Desperate Housewives...

All across Dulwich tonight, conscientious mothers are trying to remain sane, wondering why the super local independent schools close for such long, long, long holidays. Chablis is being delivered by the case all over SE21 today, it's either mothers little helper or back to Prozac... The new Majestic Wines is doing a roaring trade!

If one must ply the darlings with fish oils from birth, pack their every waking hour during school term with Muzzy French, violin lessons and Kumon maths, what can one expect of these hyper stimulated off spring during the long school holidays? The poppets will certainly not be content to simply crash out in front of Cbeebies all summer long with the odd trip to the park! I hold the midwife who recommended playing classical music to my bump responsible, I have simply never let my darlings be.

Well the schools slammed their doors closed just last Wednesday afternoon, and by midday on Thursday, droves of term time working mummies were locking themselves in utility rooms and conservatories, putting their hands over their ears and singing "Like a Virgin" at the tops of their voices to distract themselves from murderous thoughts. The torment has begun!

I work full-time, and luckily escape the daily fun and games at home. My two darling munchkins shall attend Scamps camp all summer long, they enjoy camp so very much - I informed them of this fact just this morning before I ran out the door for the bus.

At the weekend we shall be off for two weeks of fun and games at Bedruthan Steps in Cornwall with the rest of Dulwich, yes we shall all be there, in our Boden uniforms - trying to look casual and relaxed. James is up to his eyes at work, and so I must soldier on alone...

Nevermind, I have invited Lydia my trusted PA to accompany us, and I booked all of my beauty treatments last Christmas. I shall enjoy my rest as I watch Lydia and the au pair battle with kites in high winds, cricket on a cold damp stretch of beach, and lumber Bonne Maman jars of sea creatures through rock pools with their trousers rolled up.

I may even encourage Ana to take the munchkins body boarding this year. The children don't mind the cold at all - so neither will she! I shall wave to them from the bar while I play with my Blackberry.

Oh hurrah! The summer is here.

It really isn't the weather for Pimms though is it?