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Wednesday, 22 November 2006

Under Offer

Hurrah! The Estate Agent tipped us off first this morning that an old lady on Court Lane was about to put her house on the market. So, without hesitation we ran there half dressed, made an offer at the asking price – and it looks like we moving house! I wept with joy – as you do in the current market – just to find a house in the catchment for the Dulwich Village Infants School – before everyone else……..shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I had only straightened one side of my hair and had not even brushed my teeth. I am sure the vendor was so overwhelmed by my strange hair and raging halitosis that she was terrified to refuse us. What a productive morning!

I wonder if it was impolite to be so elated that the old lady was being forced to move into sheltered accomodation?

‘ I am unable to cope at home alone anymore’ she said, her frail voice filled with emotion (still in her dressing gown and slippers),

‘Great stuff’ replied James enthusiastically while shaking her hand so hard I was afraid he was going to dislocate her shoulder.

Apparently Mrs Giles is moving out within the week. I think it may be prudent for us to try to lock a feral cat in the property, in case the estate agent tries to show it to anyone else and gets a higher offer. The presence of hand rails in the toilet and velour soft furnishings enhanced by the 'eyewatering' smell of cats may be enough to stop anyone else from gazumping us.

I am not really cruel to animals, we could drop some 'Go Cat' pellets through the letter box every morning...... (not seriously).

As I said before, we don’t want Freya to feel that she has failed anything so young, that will come later – when she becomes a mother. I wish we had a brochure though, there have been no photos taken by the estate agent yet. I wonder if he will bother now? I would love to see some pictures and a floor plan, as I can’t remember what the house looked like, we were just so relieved to find one. It could have been a chip van for all I cared at the time. Now I have had time to reflect, I simply must have original sash windows.


icollins68 said...

Are you for real 'Dulwichmum' or is this a kind of Catherine Tate style take on the 'middle classes'? lol.. In all the times I have been posting online in these forums, I have NEVER come across such a self righteous, arrogant, ignorant, grotesque person as yourself! The snobbery you exude from your blog, if true, is offensive even to the most accepting and open minded people I know. The way you take us through the process of buying a property in Court Lane as though it's a 'do or die' scenario is mildly amusing, as are the stereotypical names you claim to be your children. But the personal attack on the decorative styles of the elderly vendor and her animals is deeply vulgar, and if I may be so presumptuous, typical of someone like yourself. If I were this lady, I would bluntly refuse to sell to you on principle, just to watch you squirm at the fact you may be outside the catchment area for the Dulwich Village Infant School shock! horror! lol... I think it's a shame you and your family have hand picked Dulwich as your home, but I guess we cant have everything in life! Bye!

Anonymous said...

i couldn't agree more with your post. what particular planet is this blog from? its not actually for real is it? my girlfriend forwarded it on yesterday and i thought it was a comedy blog. surely it must be?

Anonymous said...

oh my - this has to be satirical or else I hope to never encounter you. Wrost example of suburban snobbery and petty mindedness. remind me not to ever move to your street in case you end up as my neighbour.