Bounce
My mother, Brenda, has been so very down of late, she says that she is feeling old:
"Your grandma was younger than me when she died, and your grandpa too," she sighs. "These old bones of mine will not hold out for much longer..."
"Oh mother! Grandpa tried to drink the Guinness Brewery dry when he worked there."
"He worked hard all his life and caught the yellow jaundice and died young," she laments. "None of our family ever live to see old age."
"Alcoholic Liver disease is not a viral infection mother, and Grandma Margaret had fourteen children. She died because she fell of a ladder trying to attach a television aerial to the roof. It was nothing to do with her age. You will live forever mother..." I console, while making her a nice cup of Barry's tea.
"People care more for their pets these days, than they do for their old relatives," she sobs. "They even spend money on research, inventing special dog food to give their mutts more bounce. All they invent for old folk is Tena Lady and HRT. Life is so unfair..."
"Hang on," wiping her eyes, she stops suddenly and picks up a copy of the au pair's Now magazine. "What supplements do you suppose that Lulu and Jane Asher take? I am sure we are the same age and they look grand."
"Botox and Rystalene are not supplements mother" I soothe, pouring some Hennessy into her tea. "Alcohol is far more effective darling. It works on every muscle in your body, not just your face."
