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Sunday, 9 March 2008

Wet Wet Wet

Giving birth under forty is sooo last millenium! The fact that I have the skin of a fourteen year old has always been a source of great pride to me, but of late, appearing to be a young mother in this locality could cost a girl her position and social standing! Ladies of Dulwich are keen to reach the heady heights of extreme career success before putting down a perfectly pedicured foot and insisting on commitment and family life...

Why is it then, that so many of these high achieving ladies appear to be so absolutely wet when then they become mothers?

Sitting in Cafe Rouge yesterday afternoon, I overheard two mature, articulate mothers conversing about the conundrum that is motherhood - as they simultaneously breastfed three children between the two of them (well it stands to reason that if they leave reproduction to the eleventh hour that mass production may be called for).

"Rufus has just started to sleep through... and before we know it they seem to think that they are putting the clocks back!"

"OHMYGOD!!! The early morning light will cause Hugo and Florence to wake and disturb their rhythm, no, it cannot be true! Can't Gina Ford intervene? Can't we launch some sort of public awareness campaign about this issue? Are we too late for a petition??"


They had more baggage around that table than I took to Cornwall for a two week holiday last summer.

When did being a mature parent begin to mean that mothers became so bloody wet?

I know, I apologise, I am not my usual happy go lucky self today. Weekends are so damn stressful, well, the au pair is off until Monday, isn't she...

NOTE TO SELF: Tell the housekeeper to ensure that the blackout blinds are in full working order on the nursery windows, and order online from Majestic Wine.


Great Big Veg Challenge said...

I think these mothers came from central casting because I swear I have spotted them in Cafe Rouge in Shepherds Bush Road...
Three babies, four boobs and moaning about the leakage from the blackout blinds.
What do you reckon?

dulwichmum said...

Dear GBVC,

They are taking over, and instead of cafeine free soya latte, they should be drinking neat gin. The expression ""limp as warm wet lettuce" just doesn't cover it!

Rosie said...

Oh for goodness sake! Isn't the solution to the poblem of natural light obvious to these supposedly intellgent women? One just buys a second (or third) home with rooms facing away from the morning sun. Or failing that use the basement.

Potty Mummy said...

Surely their wet nurses could deal with the problem? (We all know they are only breast feeding for show and that in private Magda from Poland does the job for them... Or is that just in South Ken?)

dulwichmum said...

Darling Rosie,

Indeed, what a perfectly good point you have made.

Sweet Potty Mummy,

OHMYGOD! That must be just South Ken! I had no idea at all. These people think that they desserve a commendation from the Queen simply for taking their Bugaboo on public transport or else for parallel parking with their munchkin in the front passenger seat. God they irritate me so... They should try out the real world for a change, like for example, how do I get a pen mark off my Darwin leather Mulberry Roxanne?

Omega Mum said...

You must avoid energy-sapping moaners like these, DM. I'm worried for you....

Expatmum said...

Well we have already "sprang forward" over here and I'm knackered! Not sure how I'm going to get the cherubs up tomorrow. Little one's right eye is turning pinker by the minute which means he may not be a candidate for school. Good job my nanny's day is Monday!

dulwichmum said...

Perfect Omega Mum,

Thank you for your concern. It is not too early to offer you a drink is it?

Lovely Expatmum,

I tried to leave a comment on your site earlier and it kicked me out! I envy your ability to engage Drunk Mummy!

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Were they "wetter than a haddocks bathing costume" dear heart? I heard this phrase from a comely youth at Hampton Court (she was talking to her school pal about her foppish looking boyfriend) and I've been dying to use it ever since!

thank you!!! xxx

zoe said...

Well, if they really were intelligent women, they would go and live in Norway where there is hardly any light as it is. I believe Norwegians walk around with costly hats on with a light at the front, just in case it gets any darker.

dulwichmum said...

Sweet NMOO,

What a perfectly suitable expression. Many thanks for sharing!

Darling Zoe,

I wish they would go and live in Norway, and bring their anaemic offspring with them. But do they have organic, environmentally friendly unbleeched breastpads in Norway - that is the question...

rilly super said...

zoe dear, I think thats's coalminers you are refering to.

zoe said...

Rilly, what's the difference? If it's dark - it's dark.

dulwichmum said...

Now I have a serious proposal - lets lock the lot of them in the coal hole!

mutterings and meanderings said...

Childfree me is breaking out in a cold sweat even thinking about it

Expatmum said...

To inject a serious note here (hee-hee) if you want the opinion of someone who gave birth at 31 and 41(with a 34 in between) - there's no contest. I am now officially knackered. The earlier the better as far as I'm concerned. Do you realise how old we all will be when they are finally off the payroll?

dulwichmum said...

Oh M&M darling,

Childfree but with a lovely grey mare and selection of kitties to care for, you are not afraid to get your hands dirty, now are you sweetie?

Lovely Expatmum,

I know that you are completely right. I don't believe that women are actually leaving it later by choice you know. Clearly there are those of us who realised early on that one can only be sure to spot a man with real "Mr Big" potential if one waits until he has made his mark ... by then we were in our thirties! We waited patiently until we pounced.

There are others (clearly less attractive than us) who found it difficult to get a man to commit (I believe that this is a hangover effect from The Pill and social policies encouraging women into university) and these women worked on their careers. Sometimes it is not easy to "schedule in" getting a man to fall in love and propose...

Obviously this has never been a problem for me...(sigh)

Soph said...

As a 19 year old girl I have to say I am absolutely horrified, and quite frankly, disgusted at your comments. My mother had me when she was young (younger than the lot of you no doubt) and was not in a position to have another baby until she was much older (a long and tragic story which I do not want to go into). She then had my brother at 43 (completely natural conception). These are some of the comments which have disgusted me most.
dulwichmum: 'I wish they would go and live in Norway, and bring their anaemic offspring with them.'
'There are others (clearly less attractive than us) who found it difficult to get a man to commit (I believe that this is a hangover effect from The Pill and social policies encouraging women into university)'.
To be honest dulwichmum bloggers, just because some of you were not smart enough to get a degree (I myself am going to a leading university this September, and my parents were at Cambridge) does not mean you're unable to appreciate that every mother is an individual and you cannot categorise types of mothers in the way you have. Also it is not clever or funny to do so. Just plain nasty. Will you be encouraging your offspring to discriminate against other kids they meet at school just because of how they look, or because they come from a different sort of family from yours? Don't pretend that your comments are tongue-in-cheek either - that's patently not true.

I cannot imagine life without my baby brother and I can assure you that my mum is not "wet". I bet all of you complain to your friends from time to time about some aspect of motherhood and anyone overhearing you would gain the impression that you were being pathetic. As the mum of a 19 year old my mum knows that virtually every aspect of raising a young child/baby is a piece of cake in comparison with raising a teenager!
There is only one downside to my mum having had my brother at her age - people like you. Funnily enough we have had incidents in Cafe Rouge (Dulwich Village). My mother and I have had to put up with stupidly ignorant people thinking either it is funny that my mum has a 2 and a half year old at the age of 45, or making incredibly rude remarks such as 'oooh you left it a bit late!' (By the way my brother is very well behaved, and when he was younger my mum would never had breastfed him in a restaurant, so do not generalise).

Whereas my mum just gets upset by this sort of prejudice, I cannot tell you how furious it makes me. But there is nothing we can do, because stupid, ignorant and malicious people such as yourselves will never understand. I personally feel this blog is a form of bullying and should not be included in a magazine that calls itself a "community magazine" for SE21. SE21 should not be encouraging sad people like you to vent their nasty prejudices writing bitchy comments on a webpage. I read dulwichmum's blog in the recent SE21 magazine and decided to have a look on the website. I hoped that some mums would have written something to defend themselves but sadly not. At school, we refer to a certain type of parent as a 'Dulwich mum' (although this only applies to a small percenatge). This means a woman (or man, lets not discriminate now) who sits around gossiping and bitching about other pupils and their parents. I fear you shall be the future Dulwich mums - well done you! I'm sure your kids will be very proud.

You should feel ashamed of yourselves. Not only my mum, but other 'older mums' that we know all have their own, individual stories. I do not know a single one who has put off having a family because they were obsessed with their career, or are 'clearly less attractive' (for the record my mother got told by numerous people that she looks like Sarkozy's new wife last week, and my male friends call her a 'MILF' - are you too old to know what that means?!). Dulwichmum, I would not be proud to have the complexion of a 14 year old, don't most of them have acne?
Do you realise how much your comments might hurt mums who may have a child/children when they are older for many reasons - take your pick of struggling with IVF, a first childless marriage ending in divorce, stillbirth, cot death, recurrent miscarriages? Is this a laughing matter, are they 'wetter' than you because of this? Perhaps you should celebrate how fortunate you are to have been able to have children when you chose, instead of being so obviously bitter and vile towards other mums. Having young children is hard work sometimes and shouldn't mums show support and friendship for one another?
Dulwichmum - Who are you going to pick on next? Disabled mothers cluttering up Cafe Rouge in their wheelchairs, black mothers, teenage mothers? I am sure many will agree with me that what you have said is yet another form of discrimination.

NumberOneScumMum said...

My dear Soph
How your naivity touched me. In around 20 years when you yourself have finished university (perhaps even with a higher degree); have experienced the pain of divorce, loss, miscarriage or failed IVF; have established a career against the odds whilst doing your absolute best to bring up happy, confident children (perhaps on your own); have acted as carer to a disabled adult; struggled through days at work when you've had 30 minutes sleep as your child was sick all night.... perhaps then, and only then, you will realise how important a sense of humour is in getting your through the day.
p.s. of course we know what a milf is you patronising little cow

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Speaking as another blogger Soph I have to say that I'm very disappointed in the lack of information in your profile. Did you perhaps join just to verbally attack Dulwich Mum in this fashion or are you going to "entertain" us further with posts of your own?

I personally shall be very interested in reading all about your 19 year old life! How exciting that must be! Which societies shall I join at university? Shall I get a job to help with my studies, rely on my parents for financial support (both of them having been to Cambridge) or shall I just let the taxpayer fund my layabout years?

You may well leave university with a fantastic degree.......oh no, hold on a minute, Soph doesn't exist does she? It's a made up name so that a little boy can get his kicks!

Silly me!