Makeover

I met the au pair in Patisserie Valerie for coffee this evening in Sloane Square, as the children were going to the theatre with their grandparents. Hilda is as cute as a button, with a sharp graduated bob in her hair and very trendy. As she is leaving in the next few weeks, I thought it would be a good opportunity to buy her a treat and let her know how much we appreciated her hard work.

Hilda is an arts graduate (she studied 'textiles' at university... bless) and has of late decided she would love to become a personal stylist, having watched several episodes of a show which aims to make women look ten years younger. Hilda authoritively informed me this evening, that my look is rather 'staid'. Apparently in her opinion, I should be aiming for a more 'quirky' or 'individual' look.

I smiled at her patronisingly. Elaine from 'Eclipse' will actually provide me with all the fashion advice I need, and as far as I am concerned, LK Bennet is as far downmarket as I am prepared to venture. Most of my work wear is Paddy Campbell or Aquascutum, with the odd top from Hobbs or LK Bennet, or scarf from Missoni.

Poor deluded Hilda danced around Zara, enthusiastically suggesting various acrylic creations to me - in an effort to 'update' me.

I was initially rather offended (whatever makes her assume I would wear man made fibres?). America Ferrera I am not.

Why does Hilda think that I was never her age? She assumes that at her age I did not think I knew it all too. Now I know what suits my shape, and what colours work for me. Clothes are just the uniform I wear to achieve what I have to achieve, nothing more.

Out with the kids - my uniform consists of a Boden top, Levi jeans - vintage looking coat - but not really second hand - clearly not. I don't intend to catch ringworm off some dead old lady.

Out at work - I wear the uniform I described above. How could I command respect or my fabulous salary in a pair of footless tights, gold ballet style flat shoes from Primark, and a metallic blue V neck jumper dress?

I very don't think so darling, that's why I am your boss, and you dear heart are my au pair. I kept the comments to myself and smiled through gritted teeth. I don't want to spoil what has been a wonderful relationship, the last time she was pre-menstrual she lost her boyfriend and that is why she returning home.

Keep it up honey child, and you shall have no reference.....