Lies

I have a secret that I cannot share, well I shall tell you. I can trust you, can't I? This is the Internet after all, we will most certainly never meet... I cannot even tell my best friend, she would think I had lost the plot entirely.

Katie Bancroft would denounce me as not in her league, she would say I had gone soft and would surely end my days burned out, abused and let down. My mother and sisters would fear for my future mental health.

The secret is - I love James far more than they would possibly consider to be healthy.

My mother loved my father just the same way as I love James. She didn't really have opinions before he died, I know I was young, but I remember clearly how she would always refer everything on to him - in a reverend and adoring way. She sat by his hospital bed reading him books and kissing his big strong hands in the months before he passed away. My darling father never reached his fortieth birthday.

"Your daddy will decide sweetie," she would insist, looking at my papa lovingly. She was destroyed by his death, she has been trying to protect my sisters and I from the pain of loosing real love ever since. In our teens and twenties Brenda was forever giving us self help books to read, like "Women who love too much" and "I'm OK You're OK" if we had even a slight tiff with a boyfriend resulting in tears. Brenda endeavoured to ensure that her girls never gave their hearts to anyone.

Poor sweet Brenda is happy to believe that I married James for his money. I allow her to believe this lie in order to ensure that her equilibrium is maintained.

Katie Bancroft has always insisted she will never allow herself to fall in love, she considers it a sign of weakness. I was smitten with James from the moment we met. He told me he worked for Comet selling printers - I really couldn't have cared less. He had a Hermes tie and hand made Italian shoes, so yes, it had been unlikely, but genuinely, I adored him. I really didn't care.

I hounded him to propose to me for years, and when he did eventually, he used the immortal phrase "If we must..." I was simply over the moon. On reflection, he had been concerned that I was focused on the same goal as my chum Miss Bancroft. She wanted to marry a wealthy man, or take a rich lover, nothing else would suffice.

One day in the weeks running up to our wedding, James took me to Claridge's for drinks so that we could talk. The conversation that we had completely spoiled the happy final weeks of preparation for our wedding. I remember how I recoiled in horror, the skin on my face felt numb, I ran to the lavatory, splashed water on my face, and hoped that what he had told me was not true... James was in fact employed as a private equity type fund manager - OHMYGOD!

James told me how much he earned, he told me that I had been looking at entirely the wrong type of house for us to buy, he told me I could double the budget and add a zero! All that I could think was:

"What if Katie finds out?"

I was sure that she would try to seduce him. I had nightmares about walking up the isle on my wedding day to find her kissing my darling James at the alter wearing an identical stunning Vera Wang wedding dress to mine. It was most unnerving.

When it all came out afterwards, Katie accused me of being a "calculated minx". She said that I had been plotting to marry James since the moment I met him, aware of his means.

Moi? Calculated? How could she be so cruel? Katie said that I went up in her estimation when she discovered how wealthy James was. For this reason, I allow her to believe this lie. The staff of Comet do not wear Hermes, Oswald Boateng or Patek Philippe do they? I simply assumed he was a branch manager or something...

Well you believe me, don't you?