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Sunday, 3 February 2008

Cold turkey

Oh how I love the number 3 bus. Every morning as it coasts through Brixton, I am exposed to all manner of opinion and chat. On Friday I overheard two women having the most hilarious conversation. They sit together every morning and look as though they could be mother and daughter;

"I wonder why people assume that poor Barbara Windsor's young husband (half her age) married her just for the money. No-one assumes she is having the time of her life with a younger man. No-one assumes she married him for sex.." said the younger woman (OHMYGOD).

"Well that's because at her age she is probably grateful for a full night's sleep - I get very giddy legs at night, I find it very hard to settle, and my pelvic floor is not what it was..." said the older lady (too much information!).

"When Michael Douglas married Catherine Zita Jones, people sniggered and said what fun he would have, and talked about his 'sex addiction.' I still have that Hello magazine you know, he is a dirty old man... He married that poor girl to prove that he still had lead in his pencil," said the first woman as she applied her mascara (she was priceless).

"Look at the poor man now, he is like a wax work dummy, having surgery every second week, just trying to keep up his young wife. Hoping not to look his age," she continued.

The older lady then joined in;

"She went out with that Blue Peter presenter with the video camera before Michael Douglas. The poor man is probably exhausted. He should have married me you know. I would have cured his sex addiction, I would have given him the full Amy Winehouse treatment, I would have forced him to go cold turkey. If he touched me I would have set my Doberman on him, randy old git..."

Charming!

I love living in South East London. The locals are so entertaining!

9 comments:

Kelly said...

You cannot beat the buses of Sawf Landan.....and you cannot beat you. I have awarded you an Excellent award!

Potty Mummy said...

Surely the 'full Amy Winehouse treatment' would have meant rather the opposite of cold turkey? Methinks the older lady doth protest too much...

The Brave said...

Love it. That is priceless - what else is public transport for than a rib tickling good laugh. That entry alone demonstrates the truth in the saying - it ain't the destination it is the journey that is important - live it up!

DulwichDivorcee said...

I also find the Peckham Odeon v good value - we watched the last Harry Potter there and at one point Harry (rather wimpishly) said, 'how do we get to London?' A wag at the back of the cinema helpfully yelled out 'on the number 37!'. It is lovely to be back in S London.

aims said...

Oh Darling - whatever were you doing in such a common mode of transportation?

dulwichmum said...

Darling Kelly,

thank you so much sweetie, when I pick myself up off the floor I will explore every avenue to try to post it on here - but I am outragously bad at this...

Sweet Potty,

Do you think so? I don't know, she looked like she could do with some sleep!

Thanks perfect The Brave,

What a bumpy ride I am having at the moment though...sigh.

Oh Dulwichdivorcee dear heart,

You gotta laugh, int ya?

Aims my lovely,

I was thinking that too!

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Lovely one, I fear for you on public transport....

dulwichmum said...

Perfect Friend,

I fear for myself too!

Sparx said...

Good Lord, the number 3. Goes right past our house - fancy a celeb like you sitting on board - I shall think more of it in future! Or not. After all, it is just a bus...