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Friday, 15 February 2008

Wax

I have just had the most alarming conversation with my new PA Samantha. Perfect Lydia is off to pastures new (and after everything I have done for that girl… sniff). I took them both out for lunch this afternoon and the horrors that Samantha described to me almost caused me to inhale an entire bowl of Tom Yam Soup. She has no idea of polite dinner conversation! (I secretly find her rather refreshing...)

I have always considered extreme bikini waxing to be the preference of fetishists, and those who engage in intimate body piercing, wear cheap nylon underwear or read The Sun. To be entirely honest, I hadn’t actually given the issue that much thought. Samantha (she says I am to call her “Sam”) tells me that not only does she have a “Brazilian”, but her “partners” all have a substantial amount of waxing too. She referred casually to male waxing as a BSC.

OHMYGOD!!!

I can only say that I imagine such intimate waxing could be considered a form of torture if it were to be carried out by marines in Guantanamo Bay, I would personally admit to anything if I were threatened with such an intimate and painful procedure. Only twice I have endured intimate depilation myself, and that was after I had been administered effective epidural anaesthesia in preparation for my caesarean sections at The Portland (standard pre-op procedure I believe). I had a simple "bikini line" waxing, nothing exotic enough to rival George Michael's angular facial hair.

I can't imagine that it looks quite natural to depilate virtually the entire area (if you see what I mean). Sam claimed that her current boyfriend insists upon it. But that must render your look virtually pre-pubescent, I argued. If James were to hint at such a preference, I would lock my poppets in their bedroom and summon the social services.

I am prepared to accept that minimalist intimate lady waxing may become more main stream in the UK (for those who sport hair extensions and nail art with crude acrylic tips), but surely our men are not engaging in this too? Please, assure me Sam is wrong.

17 comments:

Rosie said...

Darling Dulwich Mum I'm with you on this one. Did you know both Richard and Judy and This Morning have done the BSC procedure live on television. I suspect Richard volunteered his services but was quickly shouted down by Judy!

(It's Ingenious Rose by the way, I've moved over to the other side -Typepad. Just keeping you on your toes!)

dulwichmum said...

Lovely darling Rosie,

What conclusion did they draw? Is the BSC to become mainstream? I feel so out of touch! Please tell me that Sam is sending me up.

debio said...

Oh, dm, I had no idea this was going on....I am sooo out of the loop.

Whatever happened to real women and real men?

Where will it end?

aims said...

Sorry to shock you darling - but Sam is definately not wrong...I do enjoy the breeze through the treeless forest so....:)

(swimmers have known this for a long time)

dulwichmum said...

Lovely Debio dear heart,

I could just about get my head around Lady waxing - but it is the boy waxing that I find so very distressing!

Aims sweetie,

Please tell me that you are talking lady forests here and not boy foliage so to speak...

Expatmum said...

Ugh - I am struggling to keep my lunch down. I know waxing is all the rage over here, but I don't think I'll conduct a personal survey among the men. The mental images are too revolting. A (younger) friend of mine has just had a panic Brazilian as she's due to birth any day now. I have to say, that was the last thing on my mind at 9 months pregnant!

Omega Mum said...

I don't know. But I can't see why not. And I'm quite pro make up for men, too - rugged concealer, say, nothing feminine. Or am I just odd?

rain said...

Oh dm -
I am speechless.
Although I must admit a little waxing wouldn't hurt for those men with the tufts sticking out the backs of their t-shirts...
I say, go straight for laser hair removal.
(Apparently I'm not speechless after all, but then, I so seldom am.)

Potty Mummy said...

I've just read Rose's comment.

Noooooooooooooooooooooo!

Frog in the Field said...

DM, you'll need something more than Chablis to cope with this one!
Really, one just can't get the staff! Surely you need to re-interview?
What a weird conversation to have with your new boss over lunch! Never, repeat, never get her drunk, goodness knows what she'll reveal then!

dulwichmum said...

Sweet Expatmum,

really now, what could look less natural than a Brazilian? I think you and I should open a bottle - this entire issue is probably best not explored in polite company.

Perfect Omega Mum.

I fear that you may be just odd. Here let me pour you a large glass.

Super Rain,

You know that my husband looks like an Alsatian dog with his shirt off, and I would actually love for him to have that waxed off - not his chest just his back and shoulders you understand. As a matter of fact, I have threatened to let my under arm hair sprout and tuft like a German if he doesn't sort the situation out before I even to look at the brochures for Barbados this summer...

Dear Potty Mummy,

I know, I can so see that situation, it is probably best not to comment!

Froglet sweetie,

Apparently I must give her three verbal warnings and two written (even though she is still on probation) but you know, I find her honesty incredibly refreshing. I am trapped in a world of radio 4, Alessi Cafetieres and glossy chocolate coloured manicures each day at work. This girl wears a Wonderbra and has more front than Blackpool Illuminations. She makes me laugh - for now...

NumberOneScumMum said...

Darling DM,
The waxing issue has long been one of mystery and stress for me. Frankly the pain is a secondary issue. It's the humiliation of lying legs-akimbo whilst some teenage "beautician" tends to my lady garden that makes me cringe to the core. However, after my ex, ex, ex (SexyBuilder#1) gave me the nickname "My Little Pony" I was forced into self administration. I often wonder what the neighbours (the walls are thin in SW11) make of the rip/yelp sounds coming through my bedroom walls.

aims said...

Both - it does keep the leaves out of your teeth.

dulwichmum said...

Darling NumberOneScumMum,

I am speachless. I hate to think of you having the rug ripped from under you (so to speak)...

Sweet Aims,

In the name of God! Really? You and your partner have both???

aims said...

In all actuality - we both have none....it's fun! It gives a whole new meaning to closer than close...
Razors - not wax. You can always grow it back.

Pig in the Kitchen said...

i once watched a BSC being performed on Channel 4...oh the plucked chicken effect! it had me giggling for weeks!
Pigx

Pig in the Kitchen said...

may i just say...a little too much information in this comments box!