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Sunday, 8 June 2008

Overgrown...

I am having the most frightful time. It is so difficult for me to articulate my pain, explain my hardship (sigh).

I recently went to visit an esteemed eyebrow guru (have you any idea how difficult it is to get an appointment with this woman?). She is known simply as 'The Eyebrow Queen.' It is well documented that the skillful definition of the arch of an eyebrow can completely redefine the face.

Apparently, clients have been known to weep with gratitude post treatment! I am incredibly refined, not prone to outbursts of emotion, I had no intention of letting myself down, although I had planned for a minor smirk of delight when she unveiled my new look. I attended the appointment, not realising that it was in fact a "pre-depilation consultation." I was informed that my brows are "terribly 90’s," OHMYGOD! Apparently they are far "too fine" and require "radical updating" (gasp). Prior to any remedial work, I am to let them grow wild (for at least 3 weeks) in order to have them ripped off re-shaped by the jumped up little minx artiste (that brings a tear to my eye I can assure you)!

In the mean time my eyeshadow looks vile, my eyebrows are fluffy and unkempt, my lids peppered with random sprouting wisps of hair. I am forced to wear enormous fashionable sunglasses to hide my work in progress brows – I look like a ware wolf disguised as a welder

Please pray for me and hope I have the courage to endure. I am usually so meticulously turned out. I must hide my favourite Tweezerman in the depths of my dressing table drawer until this whole process is complete. I must resist any maintenance at all. I have polished off an entire bottle of Rescue Remedy (not to mention 2 bottles of Chablis and half a bottle of gin) this weekend alone. Only one week of hardship left, I hope I can survive. Whatever next?

14 comments:

Expatmum said...

Hairspray! It's meant for unruly eyebrows as well as hair. Just remember not to actually spray it directly onto your eyebrows. I know you're terribly distressed at the moment.

dulwichmum said...

FFFor Gods sake, AAARRRGGGHHH... Sweet Expatmum! I wish I had taken more time to consider your advice and read it in more detail before I headed to my ensuite for my Elnet...

OHMYGOD! Gordon Ramsay would be proud of me.

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Darling, vaseline and a teasing comb. You may not be able to change their, erm, bushiness, but you can control them a little. Remember that lady at Bel Air in the summer? She wore bows in hers....

dulwichmum said...

Darling Nunhead mum of one,

I shall keep my glasses on for the time being if it is all the same to you. OHMYGOD.

Frog in the Field said...

DM, it is sunny, Darling, just chill (hic!)

Jo Beaufoix said...

Dear Dulwich mum. I am all caught up now and much saddened by your state of distress. As it is fairly warm, why not wear some kind of fabulous hat that you can pull down over your eyebrows? Nobody would suspect a thing as long as you stay out doors at all times. A couple of weeks off work should get you there shouldn't it? They might even consider compassionate leave?

Potty Mummy said...

DM, I am very impressed by your stoicism in this time of difficulty. I would have given in the lure of the tweezerman way before now... In fact I have, which is probably why I still look so 90's...

rilly super said...

I swear by Grecian 2000 DM dear, not only gives that much needed control of unruly eyebrows but also deals with those tell tale greys; well worth being mistaken for Alistair Darling I'd say...

Elsie Button said...

Dear DM
You've written posts about Dr Hilary, and Gordon Ramsay... so i was wondering whether, just to keep things neat, you could possibly write one about Derren Brown??

If you do this one thing for me, I will recommend a great eyebrow hairdresser

dulwichmum said...

Perfect Jo,

Compassionate leave! OHMYGOD!!! I should have emailed you for advice in the first place. You are quite the inspiration!

Sweet Potty Mummy,

Put the Tweezerman back in the drawer, you can break this addiction. Soon you can be fabulous, just like me - well, like I will be, clearly!

Darling Rilly,

I myself have such a soft spot for the Milliband brothers (sigh), and isn't Gordon simply fabulous? OHMYGOD - we are talking about politics now aren't we?

Dear Elsie,

I shall go and Google Derren straight away!

aims said...

Dearest Dulwichmum - I am at that age where my eyebrows just don't grow anymore. Well - at least I think that's the problem.

Anyway - I just don't have any great inspiration for you except an eyebrow pencil and whiteout perhaps.

Perhaps while I pray for you - you can pray for me.

Mopsa said...

The famous threader, eh? Will you notice the difference? I haven't tweaked or tweazed a thing apart from OH's Denis Healeys for years, and mine still look the same as they always have;presumably 3 weeks is neither here nor there? Or have I just lived in the countryside for too long?

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Did you ever find out how Rosie is dear one? and Debio? I miss them!

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

DearDM – clearly you need a balaclava although with this being summer, you might get some rather odd looks around Dulwich but you might fit in just fine if you hang about Thornton Heath for the week whilst you wait for your appointment. I feel your pain – hang on in there old girl.