Car bumpers

Whatever is the point in calling a part of a car a 'bumper'? If it is not actually for...well for bumping? I would have thought, that on a really super car like my Audi Q7, the bumper would be just perfect at bumping, and would perhaps be made of some kind of super rubber substance that would not mark or scratch or leave any evidence of a dent on my (or any other) vehicle. This could save me stacks of cash!

Are wheels not for rolling about? For moving us from place to place? And windows - are they not for seeing out of while we drive? The steering wheel - that does the job we would like it to do - if we remember to turn it......... ohmygod!

Why did the man at the garage laugh out loud at me, when I pointed out what seemed perfectly obvious to me? If my car had a half decent bumper, it would protect it from damage - by bouncing it away from danger - like some kind of lovely air bag, instantly inflating protection device. I would not mind if the bumper was not even that high tech, it could be quite simple - like a big rubber swimming ring all around the car - to protect it from occasional nudging by other cars. Hey, even less reflective paint - not highlighting my minor misdemeanor's so well would be a start.

Am I alone in this? Alone, with a bill for over a thousand pounds it seems. The school run began again on the roads of Dulwich this morning, and my darlings would not walk to school in the scant rain.

I shall hide the bill in the back of my capacious handbag, and pretend the car is in the garage - instead of at the garage - if you see what I mean. Ah well, I shall drive the Aston for a couple of days if I need it at all - such hardship!

Bumpers my **se!