Good Foundations
I was waiting in the queue at Starbucks this morning with my super PA Lydia, and while leaning against the counter waiting for our refreshments we began to converse about the practicalities of just how very uncomfortable some underwear can actually be.
"Those nickers that pull in your tummy, honestly, on some days, if someone were to pinch my bottom - they would surely hurt their fingers because my bottom is so very firm", I whispered.
Lydia laughed and pointed out that her gel filled bra -
"must weigh a couple of pounds, and hits the bedroom floor on occasion with a great thud!"
We both agreed that our underwear is making promises that our body's can't keep. What a hoot!
"Oh, Lydia!" I laughed, "I really must write this down, you know. I simply must put this on the blog!"
Lydia agreed, and said:
"You will be glad you did when you are discussing your blog observations on Richard and Judy".
At this point the conversation cooled dramatically as it had become far too relaxed for my liking.
"Woman's hour," I said, "I shall be discussing my observations on Woman's Hour."
These young girls have so much to learn! I am after all Dulwichmum, not Kerry Catona.
14 comments:
Cara DulwichMum
For what have learned in relation to that pivot Judy... and if you would be interested in that situation to arise!!!!... I am sure Judy would, literally, squeeze you for those foundations tips... in desperate need of them... are they really married? regards ContinentalWife
Dear Dulwich Mum,
I envy you your underwear that merely makes 'promises your body can't keep'. Mine makes offensive threats that my body can't ignore.
bravo...delicious dear DrunkMummy x ContinentalWife
Cara Continental Wife,
I feel that you have secrets about Judy I really wish you would share!!! I do love gossip!
Darling Drunk Mummy,
You really are Queen of the one liner!
DM
I once sustained a head injury from a gel-filled bra. My short term memory has never been the same since.
You are a total poo-stain. I hope very much that this blog is tongue-in-cheek (i'm sure it is).
Has to be Woman's hour for me [oh what a long time ago - I'm getting withdrawal symptoms]
As for undies - I've still not figured out the sizing out here, but it doesn't really matter, after 4 children, it's all shrivelled up to walnuts! I don't think anyone makes 36 AAA. [advanced addled acorns]
Cheers
Antarctichousehusband - Can I call you 'Duckie'?
You poor darling man! I never considered a gel filled bra as a potential lethal weapon! (ha, ha, ha)
Anonymous - oh dear...
Dear Mcewen, I am sure you can listen to woman's hour on the internet - poor you. I think a gel filled bra or even some 'chicken fillets' could be the answer to your prayers!
what sacrifices we make dulwichmum. My mother used to say she felt naked without underwear that couldn't be properly put on without the aid of the maid's knee in her back to pull the stays tight and it seems as if we have not come very far since those days, at least not in your local branch of starbucks we haven't. I think when you appear on woman's hour dulwichmum, you must ask them to start a campaign to have underwear designed by fashion designers rather than structural engineers, and another campaign to rescue martha kearney from the dreaded clutches of world at one and bring her back to where she belongs.
Darling DM.... surely you will be appearing on Richard and Judy when you win the coveted title of "Mum of the Year" beating your rivals, Kerry Katona, Jordan (with James in support as "Peter" of course) and Brangelina?
Darling Rilly,
I shall make notes of everything you suggest - you really are terribly sensible dear heart!
Sweet Numberonescummum,
James is insisting that I lower my profile. I am afraid that I will be forced to turn down any awards offered to me in the forseeable future.
all my wisdom comes from my mother dulwichmum. She was ahead of her time in matters of underwear as in so many other things and was known in the seventies for carrying around a fire extinguisher to put out any burning bras she came across.
Then I suppose "Rear of the Year" will be out of the question too? Darling DM, you are so modest and unassuming.
Rilly darling, I can see where you got your pioneering spirit from. Your mother must have been an inspiration to you!
Super Numberonescummum, now that you mention it, I do have a super pert little bottom. But, once again, James would disapprove, and I would comply...
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