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Friday, 21 September 2007

Snap

Snap… Snap… Snap…

The top floor of the Number 3 Bus is empty this evening as I climb up the stairs and sit in the front row. I sometimes like looking out, peering down from the upstairs front window at the poor precarious racing cyclists below. But…

Snap… Snap… Snap…

There the noise goes again. OHMYGOD... I know what I think it sounds like, but I am not a bad minded person – no, I refuse to believe it could be. I refuse to let my imagination run away with me but;

Snap… Snap… Snap… PING!

Something small hit the glass in front of me. I dare not look around to see where the “snap” has “pinged” from.

Snap… Snap… Snap…

Instead, I gaze down at the floor of the Number 3 Bus as it zooms up Croxted Road – on the home strait now, soon I will be in Dulwich.

Indeed, a small crescent shape, embellished with metallic purple paint lies on the floor to the left of my feet. I curl my lip, this is really rather ghastly… Let me out of here. I dart for the stairs… but glance back as I go,

Snap… Snap… Snap…

A lone female passenger is perched a couple of rows behind me, cutting her toe nails!!! I thought that there was nothing new at all that these people could do to shock me - not any more.

I ask you, whatever would posess anyone to wear such a loathsome colour?

13 comments:

Motheratlarge said...

Metallic purple! Doesn't go well with Routemaster colours.

dulwichmum said...

Darling Motheratlarge!

You know these people do not know the meaning of the phrase fashion faux pas!

East of Dulwich said...

Goodness! How dreadful!

But it could have been worse...you might have been sat next to someone reading The London Paper.

Frog in the Field said...

ARGGHhhh!!
Disgusting, I guess it's not as bad as biting her toe nails off!
You're experiencing some shocking things lately, hair removal, toe nails, friends that flash to buses!! Whatever next?

lady macleod said...

ewwwww! You should have a stiff brandy, and perhaps a massage, and to shopping tomorrow in Knightsbridge, and have a long lunch - with champagne. Really!

IngeniousRose said...

Darling Dulwich Mum, I don't understand, what were you doing on a bus for goodness sake? Surely you have a driver?

dulwichmum said...

Oh darling East,

I do so try not to be shocked by what I see on the Number 3, but I am horrified on a regular basis!

Lovely Frog,

These women are sooo not ladies!

Sweet Lady MacLeod,

I just had the exact Saturday you prescribed, and my equilibrium has been restored - until Monday...

Darling Ingenious Rose,

I am trying to be cosmopolitan and environmentally friendly. These tortures I endure on an almost daily basis!

debio said...

I have a confession to make - I will write it quietly and faintly; My daughter currently has florescent blue toe nails - for emphasis - yes, florescent blue...

By way of mitigation, however, she has never been on a London bus - and me, well probably only five times in total....this is not a social experiment I would wish to be part of (sorry to end with a preposition).

Omega Mum said...

It could have been worse. I thought you'd been caught in a shoot out for a minute. I promise I'll keep my nail cutting to my own car in future (though putting my foot up on the dashboard really interferes with the steeering).

mutterings and meanderings said...

Oi missus! I have some very fetching purple nail polish - it hides the mid-winter mud a treat!

@themill said...

On a train from Edinburgh to London last week and there was a Chinese couple flossing each others teeth - I kid you not.

sally said...

'these people'. What exactly do you mean by that?

dulwichmum said...

Darling Debio,

I really am an air head, what in the name of God is a "preposition" - is that when you offer yourself to someone in the "intimate" sense?

Sweet Omega Mum,

You really are a scream!

Perfect M&M,

I really must meet up with you for a Spa day. I fear you have been spending far too much time in the stables!

Dear @themill,

What is the world coming to?

Sweet Sally,

I am simply referring to the people on the bus who had shocked me in the past by drinking beer straight from cans (on the way to work at 8.30 am!!!)or apply make-up/pluck chin hair/play with their dangerous dogs, engage in "love acts" etc. I really thought I had seen it all!