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Saturday, 6 October 2007

W.I.

Granzilla will not be visiting us at all over the half term (quelle surprise!). James has informed me on many occasions of her complete aversion to children – her inability to ever offer any practical help or support with childcare. School holidays can be so very difficult for hard working parents.

During her most recent visit however, Granzilla had shocked us all with the news that she has recently won second prize at a local Women's Institute cake baking competition! This was her first ever attempt at baking. James immediately described bitterly how as a boy at boarding school, he had informed his mother of the many boys in his house who would return to school after holidays with tins of delicious home bakes. To my darling husband's dismay, Granzilla had never even tried, and on one occasion turned up for a special school occasion with a home baked cake in a tin informing him;

“Yes indeed this is home baked as requested, although not baked by me… clearly, I bought it at the Parish cake sale this morning.” You just know this is true, don't you.

Granzilla has become a great admirer of Nigella Lawson of late, and has become curious of the “goings on in the kitchen” as she put it.

Grandpa Charles telephoned us this evening to say that Granzilla has absconded to Sandy Lanes for an extended break to include the forthcoming half term, as she needs to recuperate following her dismay at a recent piece of news. Apparently she enquired of the WI – the name of the person who actually won the first prize in the cake baking competition, only to discover that there had been no other entries! OHMYGOD!!!

The judges had been unimpressed by my Monster-in-Law's offering, but not wanting to cause offence (to the only titled Lady in their ranks) they had allocated her second prize!!!

My darling Monster-in-Law has developed a head ache and requires a couple of weeks in the sun to recover.

16 comments:

@themill said...

Doesn't she have staff?!

dulwichmum said...

Dear Sweet @themill,

Indeed she does, but apparently "Cook" doesn't bake!

Frog in the Field said...

Granzilla?
..even better than Monster in Law
Hmm, I'd best stay quiet on the subject, but I will say this..if I do stay quiet, mine can't hear a bloody word I say!

Frog in the Field said...

I SAID SHE CAN'T HEAR A WORD I SAY!!
NOT WORM, WORD....

NumberOneScumMum said...

Darling DM, I am back!!! I have been waylaid by an unfortunate liaison with Carlos the window-cleaner, but the least said, soonest mended, suffice to say I shall not be dumbing down in future, no matter the asthetic appeal. Speaking of baking, does James have an unhealthy obsession with individual fruit pies? I only ask because I remember them being highly prized in my brother's dorm: in fact all manner of special flavours could be bought with the blackcurrant variety. I know you have a special birthday coming up......

dulwichmum said...

Darling Frog!

How difficult for you! My Monster-in-law however has perfect hearing. She can hear my tap in the pin number to my husbands credit card from several counties away!

Super Numberonescummum,

I wonder if I can prize any illicit favours from James in exchange for a home made black currant pie? Have you seen the latest Boodle's catalogue?

Potty Mummy said...

Aaah, what a blessing. That she's not coming for half term, that is.

BTW, have you read Alison Pearson's 'I don't know how she does it?' The opening of the book has her heroine 'distressing' mince pies with a rolling pin to make them look home-made. Fabulous. Who needs to bake if you have a rolling pin?

IngeniousRose said...

Oh Dulwich Mum, poor Granzilla does deserve an 'A' effort, and I'm sure you'd rather she was out there attempting to bake cakes than posing naked for those WI calenders I've heard about, and I'm sure they are busy preparing their 2008 editions and looking for willing models. I think her cake baking should be encouraged!

NumberOneScumMum said...

I really wouldn't bother making your own and getting your Cath Kidston apron dusty with flour, Darling DM, because all posh boys know that Mr Kipling loves to fill his tarts with cream.

dulwichmum said...

Lovely Potty Mummy,

You are right, I should count my blessings!

I really must read that book! I have heard such good things about it.

Super Ingeniousrose,

Are you sure? Although when she arrives back in the UK with her tan, she is probably intending to be a centrefold!

Darling Numberonescummum,

Such filth! You are simply outragous!

Rebecca said...

sounds like the time I (almost) won the art prize at school. There were only two of us in the class (the teacher was a HOPELESS nutter and all the other students had the foresight to drop art as soon as they discovered this....we two thought it was fun)and the other student (who is actually now my...um...spouse...for want of a better word) was expelled before the art prize was handed out.

They ended up cancelling the art prize that year. bastards. He never lets me hear the end of it.

Josephine said...

Am I going mad, or did said Granzilla make an appearance on 'Have I Got News For You?' last night? With cake in question? She looked pretty gutted. V funny :-)

dulwichmum said...

Welcome back lovely Josephine,

Indeed, I did not see the TV last night. It could have been Granzilla - OHMYGOD!!! I shall go and phone her - although she is claiming to be in Barbados...

Josephine said...

We are agog awaiting news of this positive ID ;-) Perhaps she took the cake to Barbados with her?!

dulwichmum said...

Indeed dear Josephine,

Apparently this exact incident has happened before! These cake competitions are taken very seriously indeed! Look what I found!!! I have been advised not to contact my Monster-in-law or to even let on that I know about it. Apparently Granzilla is definitely in Sandy Lanes, Grandpa Charles is footing the bill and would be more than pleased if she was not there.

Josephine said...

The mystery clears! Your link is to the very woman who was on the tv last night honey ;-) Clearly a well worn WI ploy!