*Publishing News*

As many of you are aware, I have been busy crafting my novel "Sex Lies & Sellotape, confessions of a Dulwichmum," which was due to be published this month by The Friday Project. So many of you have emailed me over the last three weeks enquiring about the publication date - I must admit that I am really rather embarrassed... Following the advice of a selection of super high powered, high profile agents - I was persuaded to break my contract with the publisher back at the beginning of February. The publisher has subsequently gone into liquidation (OHMYGOD!).

I feel a little uncomfortable about the whole affair, super writers who were under contract to this tiny publisher are owed royalties and many have had their hopes and dreams shattered. I cannot accept responsibility for the hardship caused by this business failing. I was wrong to have ever signed their generous contract, it was indeed scandalously generous, but sadly not to me (sigh). I should have smelled a rat when I met the portly ginger haired publisher with her Max Pax tea and office above a kebab shop. No-one refers to me as a cash cow and gets away with it!

I really must consider my position; fair royalties, a column in The Mail/contract with Penguin/serialisation with The Mail on Sunday & The Times/screen rights with Time Warner are apparently what I should expect. I have been told that a novel like mine comes along just once in every generation, this book is reminiscent of Gone with the Wind, a fusion of Bridget Jones's Diary and Sons and Lovers (but with substantially more sex).

My novel is a simple tale of sex, rags to riches, designer handbags, sex (our succession of au pairs have been insatiable), infidelity and hypocrisy, more sex (those boys from the College need a firm hand), love and hope and yet more sex (some of which is not even in a committed relationship but that part is clearly about the neighbours) in middle class south east London. It is an epic story of triumph over school gate treachery and an evil post menopausal adversary (my monster-in-law). My manuscript is a great roller coaster of a book in 110,000 words with exotic locations (Dulwich Picture Gallery, Padstow, Barbados, Disneyland Paris) and many designer costume changes.

Naturally I am now a little concerned that we will not actually find another publishing home for my work (gasp). But my celebrity agent will not compromise; Daniel Craig is to play James, and I naturally would love to play myself (prrr) although I am prepared to agree to Orla Brady. I do sooo hope that I haven't shot myself in the foot with my demands (yellow M&M's, Jo Malone scented candles, no eye contact, a tray of mojitos, white walls and carpet). It is after all, just the simple story of my domestic arrangements which is perhaps best kept secret right here on my blog...