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Tuesday, 14 August 2007

News Flash

This evening I received an alarming phone call from my lovely pregnant friend Imogen who lives on nearby Croxted Road. Her darling girl Saskia is simply the love of my five year old son's life.

Imogen told me how very distressed she is that my baby Freya will no longer be in Saskia's class this September as she is off to School 1. Freya is a big girl now, and too old for nursery school. Darling Imogen is almost five months pregnant, and has been missing her perfect children all summer as they have been at camp until 5.30pm every day, escorted there by their full-time nanny. It seems to me that Imogen has had rather too much time on her hands to ponder of late...

"I have been watching you coast by my house on the top floor of the number 3 bus every morning - off to your super job, dressed up to the nines, you never, ever even wave to me," she lamented.

"But I have been on holiday and working from home for most of the break," I replied.

"But surely this evening, that was you on the upstairs of the number 3 bus," she shrieked, "please tell me it was you," she insisted...

"Why no dear heart," I answered in a puzzled tone. "I came home from London Bridge on the train this evening, as I had a meeting there at the end of the day..."

"OHMYGOD," shrieked Imogen, "I have been so very bored of late, and convinced myself you were ignoring me. I opened my bath robe and flashed at you from my bedroom as the bus was coasting by this evening," she confessed.

"I wish it had been me, sweetie, how very embarrassing. I wonder what the passengers thought," I laughed.

"Actually," replied Imogen, "several people looked rather alarmed I must admit. Perhaps we should move house, we shall need another bedroom soon anyway."

"Perhaps you should move," I agreed.

Poor Imogen will lower the tone of SE21 if she is not careful. When I saw her there in her bathrobe this evening I really could not decide upon a remedy, I was actually considering calling her GP, her husband or the police... Now it seems the situation shall sort itself out! I really hate a scandal. Dulwich does not belong in the Daily Mail...

13 comments:

Frog in the Field said...

Absolutely love it, you just couldn't make it up could you?
I'm in hysterics here with 5 little girls all asking me what I'm laughing at.
No 3 you say, that may become a very popular route you know.

lady macleod said...

yes, I can see the #3 becoming a regular part of the London tours...

IngeniousRose said...

Oh how alarming Dulwich Mum, your area of the world could soon become a popular tourist attraction, imagine that! Let's home the situation does indeed sort itself out, sooner rather than later I'd say.

dulwichmum said...

Darling Frog,

Sadly this post is entirely true. My lovely friend Imogen simply must have a new home that is not overlooked, perhaps down a long winding drive.

OHMYGOD - Lady Macleod, that would never do!

Perfect Ingeniousrose,

I shall phone the estate agent myself this morning.

DJ Kirkby said...

Those pregnancy hormones ahve a lot to answer for.

Frog in the Field said...

DM, we live down a long winding drive with a beautiful unoccupied house below our garden, however, (with greatest respect to your friend) I fear a flashing neighbour may upset my darling saddleback pigs. I will be trying to get them 'in pig' soon and couldn't bear them to get emotional just now.
At least she would be safe from passing traffic though...

@themill said...

Are you sure Imogen's real name isn't Bridget Jones? But surely 90% of the Dull Itch population is in Cornwall anyway?

rilly super said...

Imogen completely over reacted. everyone knows that to respond to an ignored wave baring one's arse is the only correct course for a first offence.

dulwichmum said...

Darling DJ Kirkby,

Indeed, perhaps I should buy her some fish oils. My GP muttered something to me about long chain fatty acids, and my brain shrinking in pregnancy - the charmer!

Lovely Frog,

I shall mention it to her this very evening. Do you have a photo?

Perfect @themill,

Did something like this happen in Bridget Jones film or book? I didn't read/watch it. Perhaps that is where the cheeky minx got her inspiration!

Sweet Rilly,

In the name of God! You have clearly been "up north" for far too long.

Omega Mum said...

So if you flash when you're offended with someone, what exactly do you do when you're pleased to see them? And does it apply only to Dulwich?
I laughed when I read this. Thank you. I needed a good chortle.

mutterings and meanderings said...

Goodness. perhaps the non-overlooked house should have a room with nice soft walls ...

Drunk Mummy said...

I might try Imogen's trick next time I am ignored by the bar staff in a crowded pub. Where I live, someone is more likely to call for an emergency plastic surgeon rather than the police.

DJ Kirkby said...

DM my dear, your GP was right...though concentrated fish oils are supposedly a 'no no' during pregnancy. I can smell a plot by the male species to reduce our natural intellectual superiority through deprivation during one of our natural weak moments...*now where did I put my medicine?*...The doctor says I get ever so paranoid without it, but I am sure he is just saying that to oppress me!