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Thursday, 9 August 2007

Foot in Mouth

This evening I arrived home from work to find that Parcel Force had delivered an enormous package containing darling Freya’s new school uniform from Peter Jones. How terribly exciting! My poppet tried on every last item and danced about the house filled with excitement at starting her new prestigious pre-prep school in September. Here I sit this evening, name tapes and sewing basket on my knee, stitching her name into everything the baby will need in September; tiny swimming costume, shorts, jogging bottoms, coat, shirts and pinafores. It is all so delightfully miniature (the smallest size they stock), but still so enormous on my darling baby girl.

As soon as perfect Freya realised how relieved and delighted James and I were that she was at last happy to go to this new school leaving her favourite nursery behind, her demeanour changed dramatically. She peeled off the uniform, screeched: “I am not going to Jallaps”, and marched off to play with her worm farm. Hey ho, (sigh).

I so love uniforms. At the beginning of the summer, we took the munchkins to the super East Dulwich Fair on Goose Green. Naturally I wore some super Gina sandals to show off my perfect pedicure. My heels sank into the turf as we plodded around the stalls and attractions, but it was worth the pains I took just to see my munchkins smile.

Perfect Max simply adores fire engines, and some super attractive fire men or fire operatives or whatever they call themselves were there to kiss babies and build relationships with the local community.

Would you like some more ice in that spritzer?

Each of the tinys stood in line and took a turn sitting in the driver's seat, wearing a helmet and generally pressing buttons on the dashboard. I thought my babies would explode with excitement. I engaged one of the taller, fuller figured Ray Winstone-esque fire fighters in conversation, oh what a complete delight, he had hands like as big as basket balls! I felt like a girl again. I looked simply amazing with my spray tan in the white jeans with the little slits at the ankle…

James sulked and queued up with the munchkins to hold the fire hose and spray some water. My poppets are such cheeky scamps. When they took their turn, sweet Freya pulled the big red lever right back (she has a will of steel despite her tiny frame) and soaked the waiting queue with water.

She really is divine.

Oh how we laughed. I made a flippant comment about “The great unwashed” and we almost had crowd control issue on our hands. I really am the silly Billy – always putting my foot in it!

It was starting to rain anyway, so I am sure no-one minded – not really...

Really?

Everyone makes mistakes. Look, I wore my sandals to an event on turf on a wet day!

Oh how I love a uniform!

Don’t you just love Gordon Brown? It really is most reassuring that we have a big serious man in a uniform in charge. He looks so very starched and uncomfortable in his suit. Don’t you think Gordon makes David Cameron look like Billy Elliott?

14 comments:

IngeniousRose said...

Alas my favourite mum in Dulwich. At times I do despair up here in the north. Just when I was expecting a post on school uniforms (and the education system we have let our precious 4 year olds loose on) I am caught unawares and thrown, completely unprepared, into a different world of men in uniform with hoses on a hot day. And then you add in a comment on Gordon Brown. And it all started off so well!

PS Not more Boden white jeans surely?

Frog in the Field said...

I too, often put my big foot in it, that's what makes us so entertaining DM, life would simply be dull without such wit and frivolity!
Do you have pictures of the fireman?

dulwichmum said...

Darling Ingenious,

I sarted early on the Chablis tonight. Does it show? Oh dear, I fear I may be drunk!

I wonder if social services employ people who look like Ray Winstone too? Mmm...

Super Frog,

I would have loved a photo, but James was scowling, and I was afraid he would cut my jeans allowance!

IngeniousRose said...

It was the link from lovely firemen in uniform to Gordon Brown that concerned me most DM. But I won't concern myself too much now I know it is just the drink talking. My mind does things like that too at times.

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Darling, how you can mention the divine Lord Ray of Winstone in the same post as Gordon Brown quite escapes me! Thanks for the gratuitous picture of Sir Sean of Bean too!

your cyber sister xxx

IngeniousRose said...

DM, we must stop meeting like this! There is an award waiting for you on my site. A good excuse to open that second bottle of Chablis! (As if an excuse were needed!)

dulwichmum said...

Oh darling ingenious Rose! I am touched. I so wish I knew how to download awards! I am such a silly Billy! You need to come over for a glass of vino and help me out.

@themill said...

At least darling Freya washed the Great Unwashed. Very public spirited of one so young. So glad Dull Itch is educating the young on their social responsibilities.

Marianne said...

What's wrong with Boden anyway? I love the Boden catalogue - takes me away from everyday worries for a while, although I haven't really needed a fix recently, come to think of it.

There is something stern and paternal about GB, I have to agree. I would find it hard to say no to anything he proposed.

Motheratlarge said...

I like the dialogue very much - find it very effective, if a little sinister. Is that how it was intended? Lends you an extra edge, DM, if I might say so. In years to come this diary will rank alongside the Pooters and Ms Jones.

Doubt Cameron's career could ever recover following your comparison with Billy Elliott. Despite Billy's non-attendance at Eton and Oxford and different political leanings, his balletic poise in Swan Life really does put one in mind of the esteemed Conservative leader in some strong, yet also indefinable way.

DJ Kirkby said...

too funny!

Pig in the Kitchen said...

Am also buried under school uniform and name tapes...felt slightly tempted this year to 'crack' and buy iron-on ones, but my mother would turn in her grave, so i'd better not do that.

Men in uniforms with great big hoses, fwooor.

Gordon Brown, not fwooor.
Pigx

Omega Mum said...

I think Billy Elliott would make rather a good national leader. Pirouetting out of stock exchange trouble might not work, but by gum it would be entertaining to watch.

dulwichmum said...

Dear @the mill,

Thank you for your kind observations. Freya really is a darling doll!

Lovely Marianne,

The new catalogue dropped on the mat just yesterday, and it seems my casual school gate wardrobe is in the post already!

Perfect Mother at Large,

Thank you for your words of consolation, I must admit I enjoy sounding sinister. I rather liked that piece, but then I had drunk a bottle of Saint Veran White Burgundy before I wrote it!

Sweet DJ Kirkby,

Thank you so much dear heart.

Lovely Pig,

I find Mr Brown strangely attractive, but then I also love Gary Barlow and Ray Winstone - a woman of diverse tastes...

Dear Omega Mum,

He would probably have made a better leader than the one who just stepped down!