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Sunday, 27 January 2008


It upsets me so, that James seems to be under the impression that he is the only person in our entire household that experiences any kind of anxiety or stress. Indeed yes, the stock market has been a tad turbulent over the last few days, but he hasn't even bothered to acknowledge that I had had a frightfully stressful day on Friday.

My spring detox started so very well indeed. I lost almost twelve pounds on the Atkins diet since the beginning of January. My breath smells like the devils own lavatory, but I have been positively wasting away (an entire size smaller in my white jeans). Then suddenly last weekend, the weight loss stopped abruptly, indeed I piled on a couple of ounces (gasp).

I have heard some of the mothers at the school gate extol the virtues of the new gym on Lordship Lane (apparently Pilates is terribly fashionable), I decided that some gentle exercise was required, so off I went on Friday morning. The young lady who provided my induction (most of the appliances on display looked like equipment fit for a dungeon) analysed my diet and had the cheek to claim that I should forgo my nightly tipple!!! (OHMYGOD!).

"But I am a mother with young children," I pleaded, "it really is best for everyone concerned that I am slightly ethanolic at all times when at home."

Later that same afternoon, lost in my thoughts, I drove to the supermarket in Beckenham. I have heard it said and I must agree that Tesco was only invented to keep the riff-raff out of Waitrose and I needed some time to gather my thoughts. When I tripped up to the checkout with my enormous handbag and a trolley brimming with organic fare, would you believe that in my troubled state I had forgotten my purse? I almost expired with an anxiety attack.

Naturally I telephoned James and insisted that he left work early and caught the train straight to Beckenham in order to pay the bill. I sipped coffee in the managers office as James came to my aid (as a gentleman should).

James has been sulking all weekend. Honestly, he is so damn self centred at times, he only thinks of himself.


Nunhead Mum of One said...

You poor darling! This morning Amelia gave me a bottle of Adios weight loss pills and said "well, start with these and work up".

Potty Mummy said...

12lb since new year? There must be pills involved, DM... (share your secret, please!)

Expatmum said...

A good gym should know its clientele and should tailor training regimes that fit their lifestyles. Clearly this gym is below par in not recognising that mothers of young children need their tipple of choice. What's that saying "Happy mother, happy household"?

aims said...

How frightfully self-centered of your man! And the nerve to pout about it as well.

I think the manager was lovely to give you a cup of much needed fortifying caffeine....a woman manager perhaps?

Frog in the Field said...

"I have heard it said and I must agree that Tesco was only invented to keep the riff-raff out of Waitrose" - Oh DM, perfectly phrased. Possibly my favourite to date!

dulwichmum said...

Oh Nunhead Mum of One,

Darling, toss the Adios in the bin. I have the best diet in town, it is all scallops,meat and fresh veg - Atkins basically.

Perfect Potty Mummy,

I shall email you my diet if you like - but it is basically Atkins. It works so very well indeed.

Darling Expatmum,

The male instructor was young enough to be my new male au pair, but not as good looking - clearly. How could he possibly understand?

Sweet Aims,

Indeed tha manager was a man! He really was completely perfect - apart from the fact that he doesn't work in banking...

Lovely Frog,

You and I both know that they sell the exact same brands, but they are quite a lot more expensive so it so much more civilised in there! If the management would just open a branch of Cafe Nero - it would be supermarket heaven! Now that I know the manager has a cafetierre - well, there is no going back...

The manager of Tesco probably drinks Kenco! It's NOCD.

Maddy said...

You just don't know how lucky you all are! I'd sell my soul for a visit to Tesco!

mrs-inaction-man said...

Darling DM, don't you know that schlepping round any supermarket (even Waitrose) is a complete false ecomony? The depreciation of your Emma Hope's alone makes a regular visit from the Ocado van the only way to go.

Potty Mummy said...

DM, think that Atkins may be a little too hard-core for me... Oh well, back to the gym. In the meantime though, to add to your multitude of plaudits please check out my blog as I actually have one to pass on!

Sparx said...

Ah me, I lost some poundage too recently, however I resuscitated my nightly round of Mother's Helper and lo, two pounds have crept back. It's a disaster and they don't do martinis in a light format... yet...

rain said...

Having just returned from holiday in California...the writing is now on the wall that 30 pounds must go. I'm considering gaining another 70, which would then make me a candidate for gastral bypass surgery. Is this wrong thinking?

dulwichmum said...

Lovely Maddy,

I am so sorry - I really am the most dreadful snob. I am actually well aware of how luck I am...


Your name fascinates me dear heart! You know you are completely right about the shoes!

Lovely Potty Mummy,

I love Atkins - it is the Roman Catholic in me. I am so grateful for your mention on your blog - but I can't find it, I really am an air head.

Darling Sparx,

Apparently we can drink G & T. It is simply not the same though.

Darling Rain,

I never considered gastric bypass surgery - but now that you mention it - I am straight off to google...