Bagel

I was dashing down Park Hall Road on Saturday evening, rushing with Freya to be home in time for tea. We had been in The Dulwich Trader trying on shoes for far too long. Freya loves to try on the high heels and necklaces, and totters about for the lovely assistants - a bag swinging off her shoulder. My baby (Mini me) loves an audience.

A super chum of mine appeared from one of the shop doorways and virtually kidnapped us into her shop. She said she 'had been watching out for (us) to return for an absolute age'. Suze explained that she had earlier in the day accepted receipt (purchased via the Internet from the USA) of a new 'wonder cream' called Athena 7 minute lift, which she said has been hailed as the alternative to expensive facial injections.

Suze told me that I am the only woman she knows who has a 'Botox and filler free face' in the whole of SE21! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but before I could process the comment, I found myself sitting on an armchair, make-up removed, and having the preparation dabbed onto my face.

'Don't move an inch' insisted Suze, 'you are the only way I can find out if this stuff actually works'.......

'That deep line there, I had one of those once', she said, 'and I will not let my Botox wear off until I know for sure.'

I am horrified that my daughter witnessed this. I was practically being used by Suze as her personal laboratory test animal. 'You are using me like a smoking beagle', I shrieked with laughter, my furrows accentuated.

'You have spoiled it now' said Suze scornfully, 'you must promise to return to me on Monday, so I can test it properly'.

When we eventually managed to return home, James asked me why we had been gone so long. 'Suze used Mummy as a bagel' explained Freya. I offered no further explanation to my darling husband, my ego is bruised enough - I don't want to hi-light my apparent similarities with a Chinese Shar Pei.

Now where is that phone number that Suze gave me?..........