Parent's Evening

The independent schools of Dulwich broke up for Easter break on Friday last. The roads were deathly quiet this morning, and it took less than 30 minutes for the bus to take me to work. What a joy.

I left my darling munchkins looking through The Great Little Trading Company Catalogue. Freya will have a birthday soon, and she needs to be encouraged to choose something tasteful – I couldn't bear to buy her that dreadful Bratz doll she has requested. It looks like a gangsta rappers moll. In my day, Barbie had a boyfriend called Ken, and he was clearly a pilot or a vet or something respectable. I should imagine that Bratz dolly dates a pimp or a drug pusher… It’s simply NOCD.

I like the 1950’s style pastel painted wooden toy kitchens, not those dreadful citrus coloured plastic kitchens from The Early Learning Centre or Argos. I am gently trying to guide my baby girl in the right direction.

James and I went to Parent’s Evening at the children's nursery school last Thursday. I left work early and was running past my favourite dress shop on Park Hall Road, when my chum Suze beckoned me inside. She was dying to show me some of her new stock, but not as much as I was dying to see it.

Suze has also just accepted delivery of a "Cleo" Facial Stimulator appliance, which apparently rejuvenates the skin, "through exercising the foundation muscles giving brighter eyes and fuller lips!" The woman has become obsessed with my furrows and insisted that I order a machine forthwith. These machines are not recommended for use in the bath – as serious electrical burns and even death could result!

Later at the school, Mrs Honeywell informed James and I that darling Max is the gentle giant of his class. He is happy to read, happy to count, happy to share and play. Generally a happy cuddly boy – just like his daddy.

Mrs Randa informed us that Freya is now a co-operative bright girl, happy to read, happy to count, happy to spend time with children who can share, happy to manipulate the boys to carry out tasks that she would rather avoid. Generally a happy pretty girl - just like her mummy.

I am sure that the stress of the various school selection assessments earlier in the year caused Freya to experience a huge amount of upset and anxiety. This would explain why she did not calmly settle down during her first term. The poor baby. I must endeavour to undo the damage that the dreadful school selection process has caused.

The stress furrows which I have recently acquired during the traumatic ordeal shall be no more. I will order a Cleo Facial Stimulator on the very day my salary goes into the bank. If that does not work, it is Botox for me…