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Tuesday, 20 November 2007

Climate Change

Brenda (my mother) saw a film last weekend at a friend's house that made the hair stand up on the back of her neck - or so she said. And then, just this last weekend The UN warned of abrupt and irreversible catastrophe through climate change if we do not take immediate action to reduce carbon emissions. Poor darling mother hasn't slept a wink since as a result (I can't say I am too happy about the thought of this myself).

"Immediate radical action must be taken," she insisted.

Has Brenda decided to turn her washing machine down to 30 degrees, use her tumble dryer less, to bleach her kitchen surfaces less than three times a day, or to use recycled toilet paper? Indeed no!

Brenda arrived this evening with some emergency provisions; Smash, bottled water and a couple of Fray Bentos tinned meat pies. She wafted through my open plan living space, cruised into my utility room and placed her provisions on the floor of what was once the larder (now the wet room).

"From now on you must conserve water and strip wash with a flannel like they did during the war, you have no further use for this wasted space, stock up darling - we are all doomed."

I rather enjoy bottled water, and I am even prepared to admit that I quite like tinned meat pie (shhh... promise me you won't tell a soul), but even Al Gore must admit that the consumption of dried mashed potato and sacrificing one's personal freshness is simply a lifestyle change too far?

I am lighting half a dozen Diptyque scented candles at the very thought!

5 comments:

DJ Kirkby said...

Your mother...yikes. Please encourage her to seek medical attention for her 'whole body washing with a flannel' obsession... and you, young lady, have ruined my image of you...tinned meat pies indeed! Lets put this behind us and never speak of it again.

debio said...

I thought there was going to be too much water with this global warming thing - or is it all going to be in the 'wrong' places?

I'm with you, dm; would not want to survive in a world where body odour is the olfactory 'must-have'....

IngeniousRose said...

Darling Dulwich Mum, Brenda does seem to be over-reacting slightly, and the purchase of Smash is a more-than-desperate measure. Surely she must be aware that within the next few months all our identities will have been stolen, there may in fact by atleast five of us walking round with the same identities and it will be difficult to know in fact who any of us are? The climate, for the time being, will be ok, the rest of us with children, on the other hand, may not be. I've gone off the point of your post slightly I realise!

dulwichmum said...

Dear DJ Kirkby,

I know, I am completely ashamed - I just adore puff pastry...

Sweet Debio,

You understand me so well. You are clearly a Dulwichmum in exile!

Oh darling Ingenious Rose,

These troubles we endure are enough to perplex the lot of us! I have started to take the expensive Omega 3 fish oils myself! I have heard that they can assist with focusing the mind.

@themill said...

Oh my God, it sounds like boarding school - all that 'topping and tailing' with flannel, over chilly washbasins.......