The Dulwichmum blog has moved. You can catch up with her at Dulwichmum

If you have kindly linked to this site in the past, I would appreciate it if you could check your link and change to

Saturday, 17 November 2007


My darling chum Vashi has chastised me for not sharing further tales of my recent shopping expedition to New York. I had been savouring the experience, mulling it over in my mind. It really was so very super special, these intimate moments that I shared with James – I should hate to embarrass him by laying out all of our private times for the nation to peruse, we are a married couple after all… James has on occasion accused me of turning us into the Jordan and Peter Andre of Dulwich (the joker!) but then I know that my blog is only read by a couple of dozen people (per hour) and well – where is the harm?

We stayed in a super swishy apartment which my darling husband bought a year ago for an investment. It is rather near central park, and has one of those fabulous green awnings that go right from the door to the kerb. A man with a frock coat and special hat opens the cab door and carries one's shopping – it is just so opulent and perfectly divine. I felt like the queen, admiring the quality of the fabric lined walls in the hall and the Arne Jacobson Egg chairs in the lobby. I can't even begin to imagine what has caused me not to explore New York before!

James has spent a little time at the apartment, and evidence of my lovely man’s presence were all about his bachelor pad. There was an enormous high definition TV almost as big as one wall that was surprisingly a joy to watch! I would never have allowed James to have such an enormous TV in Alleyn Road. But the faces I saw on that TV were so very enormous that I was able to inspect every pore on Victoria Beckhams face, and every line on Teri Hatcher's lid. Even minor imperfections in the application of eyeliner sported by newscasters were exaggerated, and with no opportunity for them to air brush, it was pure joy!!! I felt positively renewed and smug as I inspected my perfect complexion in the mirror on the door of the bathroom cabinet.

James had naturally installed an enormous wine chiller, filled with all manner of wonderful corporate gifts, and a special humidor which stores his cigars. I have insisted that he gets himself one of those super telescopes (everyone has them in New York) so I can spy in people in other apartments - I can't wait!!! He really loves appliances you know.

Opening the door of the apartment was really rather surreal. As the reflective coated windows are from floor to ceiling, and we were on the 38th floor, no-one has any curtains. It felt just like being a pigeon sitting on the ledge of a very high building. From this height, the city was so very similar to the set of a Batman film. I would not have been at all surprised to see a super hero or two swinging past our abode. It was breathtaking. I took this photo with my Blackberry.

The apartment was far too male orientated for my tastes. My straightening iron didn’t get nearly as lava hot as usual with my travel plug, and there was no mirror within reach of the electricity socket. I naturally bought myself an American GHD and hair dryer to store there, and arranged for a perfect art deco dressing table and mirror to be installed into the bedroom. I tossed that dreadful painting (which James bought last summer for a laugh) under the bed and have ordered an enormous canvas of my book cover to be installed in the living room. I would hate for anyone to think that James didn’t have a wife when he is away on business. It would end my life if some minx considered my man to be her Mr Big...

I shall be visiting New York on a regular basis from now on (at last a holiday home!!!), it is simply the only place to stock up on Marc Jacobs and DVF after all (sigh...).

NOTE TO SELF: Order enormous high definition TV for house in Alleyn Road at earliest convenience. (This will do more for my self esteem than Botox!)


debio said...

well, awnings to the edge of the pavement and flunkeys in livery; one can only hope that, in addition to the enormous TV, you are going to employ a whole entourage of house staff in else will you cope?

IngeniousRose said...

Dulwich Mum I have to admit to having a small fantasy about living high up in a fancy apartment WITH NO CURTAINS. I'm sure you understand.
As an aside - we drove through Dulwich today!!! We nearly crashed right outside the 'Dulwich Bakery' - the words 'it's a red light you ****er' were uttered at several cars, not by me of course, I had an impressionable young 4 year old in the back who repeats everything I say. It was my childless brother with the colourful language. Anyway, it all looked very nice and yes there indeed were numerous 4x4s.
For the record it was a BT van driving illegally.

lady macleod said...

There are times when the depth of your thoughts, and your outward view of the world makes me feel I should do more. I am amazed at your capacity to feel the pain of others (Terri Hatcher, et al.) and to comment on the modern day progression of technology in our daily live. You are an example to us all of how to live life fully. I stand in awe.

dulwichmum said...

Darling Debio,

I don't know if I could afford personal flunkies in the UK. I really would love some though... Do you have personal flunkies? I bet you do, you have a super swimming pool and everything - I am deprived!

Perfect Ingenious,

I wish I had known you were in my part of town! I was only about ten minutes away. Next time, please be sure to pop by for coffee.

Darling Lady MacLeod,

I really am very deep indeed, I know you can tell!

DJ Kirkby said...

I now understand the appeal of HD TV!

Potty Mummy said...

I've heard that Cameron Diaz may have to give up her career due to the arrival of HD TV. More research from you on your next NY trip, please DM. At last, a chance for us mere mortals to feel superior to those on-screen goddesses! (Cue evil laughter...)

dulwichmum said...

Darling DJ Kirkby,

No self respecting woman should be without a HD TV!

Perfect Potty Mummy,

She has skin like the surface of the moon! Hurrah!!!

Frog in the Field said...

DM! No flunkeys, no curtains, my god! how James makes you suffer.
You poor dear, I should throw a tantrum.

Milf Gone Wild said...

Wow I'm jealous of your high definition TV. What did you watch on it? I've often wondered if watching porn on it is a turn on or off seeing as every pore would be enlarged.

dulwichmum said...

Lovely feral Milf,

I am afraid I really could not comment on how porn would appear on HD TV, watching such material would make darling James unpleasantly frisky, and I need my beauty sleep!

One observation I have made is that on HD TV Catherine Zita Jones has eye lashes growing on her chin, and I can only imagine that such a TV could cause her bikini area appear as profuse as an IKEA bath mat...

Retiredandcrazy said...

Hi, I'm a little older than you but I empathise with most of what you say. I was in NY in the fall staying in a shabby hotel with diplomats! The UN was in session. I wish I knew that you had a crash pad around the corner, we could have thrown ourselves on your mercy. Love your enthusiasm for everything expensive! As for HDTV - read my blog and you will read all the horrors I have experienced with the sodding thing!