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Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Common...

My monster-in-law arrived unannounced for a flying visit this afternoon. The poppets are on their Easter holidays from school and bounded about the house under the supervision of Magda - our new Polish au pair (she cannot speak a word of English and recently bestowed me with an enormous home made sausage and some hand knit socks upon her arrival at Herne Hill train station).

To my delight Granzilla commented on the profusion of award certificates stuck to our minimalist brushed steel American fridge complimenting my darling munchkins on their progress at their selective independent schools, and elaborated about how surprised she was as;

"they learned to walk far too soon. We really never expected that the poor darlings would be bright."

"What are you saying sweetie?" I chirped through gritted teeth...

"Your father-in-law and I have always agreed that walking early is a sign that children are from council housing - well clearly they are pulling themselves up on the furniture which is positioned terribly close together in their frightfully cramped little homes. Walking early is a dreadful sign."

OHMYGOD! That woman is outrageous...

Everyone knows that my home rivals The Tate Modern for square footage. I am beside myself with disgust.

Those socks that Magda gave me look almost Missoni you know - if only her grandma had knit me a cardigan.

10 comments:

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Darling, I shall never forget reaching out to put my glass of Chablis onto a nearby table during my recent visit to your abode and having to get out of my chair to do so.

dulwichmum said...

Darling Nunhead Mum of One,

That minx of a housekeeper is far too lazy, her days are numbered. If only you had said at the time!

zoe said...

I would have biffed the in-law one. But then, don't expect me to come from anywhere quite as classy as you. I mean, Dulwich .... we once lived in Bromley - the shame, the shame ...

Rosie said...

Darling Dulwich Mum, I am proud to say that IJ was over two years old before she finally walked. So she is either very bright or damn lazy.

But now I'm thinking maybe we just didn't have enough furniture, or our house was far too big. Whoever told me the minimalist look was in now has a lot to answer for!

dulwichmum said...

Darling Zoe,

I feel you may have overshared! (although I do have a super chum who lives in Bromley, and they do have a wonderful shopping centre there - it is virtually minutes away by train).

Perfect Rosie,

How very classy your baby is! Hurrah.

Frog in the Field said...

What a simply charming person your MIL is!
Such a shining example for us all as potential MIL's ourselves.
I seem to remember a few steps were taken by daughter no.1 on a deserted beach somewhere near Esperance, Australia, a few weeks before her first Birthday.
Will she be a beach bum? Am I wasting my money on her education?

Expatmum said...

I was always told they would end up bow-legged if allowed to walk at a very young age! Hasn't happened in this house, but that might be something to do with the night-time splints I had made for them.

aims said...

She wasn't agog over the fridge?! I might have shown her the door right then and there!!

We pay homage to ours every morning and every evening...

dulwichmum said...

Darling Frog,

I so hope that we should not in fact be paddling in the waters of Barbados with the school fees. I would so hate to be wasting my husbands lovely money!

Sweet Expatmum,

I too have taken great lengths not to allow my children to let the side down and make us look common. I even tried to weight my poppets down by putting lead in their nappies!

Sweet Aims,

Pay hommage to your MIL or your fridge?

aims said...

Oh my goodness!! The fridge of course!!