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Saturday, 29 March 2008

Humourless...

My perfect friend Vashi really does not share my sense of humour at all - you realise when I am joking don't you?

OHMYGOD...

I fear I shall be lying down for the rest of the week, I may even seek confession.

Vashi recently described her frustration at how her prized Persian Blue kitty had been spending far too much time in the arms of a frightful neighbour. Apparently this loathsome woman had been gloating regarding the fact that Snookums preferred to dine at number 7! How very dare she? That woman is a minx.

"What am I to do?" wailed my chum. "I am spending a fortune on fresh fish at Moxons, the cat gives me a filthy look if I even dare to dish out Hills Science. It is not the money, clearly - I just feel so damn bullied and betrayed!"

"I wouldn't stand for it a minute more. I would have him put to sleep if I were you," I laughed "and visit a taxidermist with the corpse. I am sure that someone experienced could compose him appropriately. You could position Snookums on your piano stool within view of your evil neighbour - just inside the bi-folding glass doors. She could rattle her damn pots and pans and call the cat to her hearts content - she would soon realise that the relationship was over"...

I WAS JOKING...

18 comments:

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Please don't tell me - has the thing that I think has happened actually happened?

dulwichmum said...

Darling Cyber sister - do you hate me (sniff) OHMYGOD I AM HYSTERICAL!!!

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Of course I don't hate you, I'm scared of you, but I don't hate you!!!

Do you remember that time though, you told me that cure for a spotty chin? Vinegar. I smelt like a chip shop for three days before I realised......we do have some laughs don't we?!

dulwichmum said...

Darling girl,

You have such a selective memory! I told you that grandma's urine was a cure for a spotty chin - oh how we laughed...

Omega Mum said...

You know that Hill's does a special cat food for stuffed kitties, so the owners don't feel too left out?

dulwichmum said...

OHMYGOD! I know you are right, Snookums was actually on a diet!

zoe said...

I really should introduce you to my illustrator - the famous Lucy Pepper. After a comment of mine on her blog she went ahead and drew jars so that you could grow yourself a sense of humour. I'm influential in that way.

You should ask her for a copy of the pictures and send them to your 'chum'.

aims said...

Just having your words in the house has made me go and check on my darling Dolly...just to make sure she's actually breathing...

That is one gorgeous cat...in your pic...of course she doesn't even come close to be as gorgeous as my Dolly...but that's a given with all cats..

dulwichmum said...

Perfect Zoe,

I think I shall, my darling Freya is so traumatised this evening and will not go to bed. She has been wondering why Snookums no longer purrs...

Sweet Aims,

You know that I never meant any harm, kiss darling Dolly on the nose for me!

Rosie said...

Darling Dulwich Mum, I am not a fan of cats. I cannot lie. I have to be honest about this. I would probably have made a similar comment and would NOT have been joking. Only probably of course.

Great Big Veg Challenge said...

You know that bonhams do a great line in stuffed animals. If you are going for the damien hirst look for your pad...

dulwichmum said...

OHMYGOD! Rosie, you cannot be serios ;)

Darling GBVC,

This was in no way deliberate - I promise... cross my heart!

Potty Mummy said...

Of COURSE you were joking DM. And are now. Aren't you....? (Though check out if she still has her toaster. Based on my post before last, if the toaster has gone, your friend may have had good reason to embalm her pusskins...)

Pig in the Kitchen said...

I'm afraid I detest cats, being very allergic to them. I once wrote to my Mother-in-law and ended the letter jesting about her cat, 'kick the cat from me', for some reason i degenerated into 'decapitate the cat from me', i even drew a little picture with the cat's head cut off and some drops of blood (we were living in China - a hardship posting - it did alarming things to the sense of humour)...THE VERY DAY my letter arrived, her cat was diagnosed with stomach cancer and had to be put down.
You see? Your comment was child's play!
Pigx

Nunhead Mum of One said...

I am still reeling from the shock.....

dulwichmum said...

Darling Potty Mummy,

I can say no more, I fear I may have overshared!

Sweet PITK!

OHMYGOD!!!

Sweet Nunhead Mum of One,

Indeed dear cyber sister, but have you been able to get rid of the smell?

Kelly said...

OK- the cat's beginning to freak me out now....am thinking would make a very nice trim on a coat of some kind. Just a notion.

dulwichmum said...

I am so sorry kelly darling, but you know I must admit that he makes a great looking cushion!