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Thursday, 12 July 2007

Desperate Housewives...

All across Dulwich tonight, conscientious mothers are trying to remain sane, wondering why the super local independent schools close for such long, long, long holidays. Chablis is being delivered by the case all over SE21 today, it's either mothers little helper or back to Prozac... The new Majestic Wines is doing a roaring trade!

If one must ply the darlings with fish oils from birth, pack their every waking hour during school term with Muzzy French, violin lessons and Kumon maths, what can one expect of these hyper stimulated off spring during the long school holidays? The poppets will certainly not be content to simply crash out in front of Cbeebies all summer long with the odd trip to the park! I hold the midwife who recommended playing classical music to my bump responsible, I have simply never let my darlings be.

Well the schools slammed their doors closed just last Wednesday afternoon, and by midday on Thursday, droves of term time working mummies were locking themselves in utility rooms and conservatories, putting their hands over their ears and singing "Like a Virgin" at the tops of their voices to distract themselves from murderous thoughts. The torment has begun!

I work full-time, and luckily escape the daily fun and games at home. My two darling munchkins shall attend Scamps camp all summer long, they enjoy camp so very much - I informed them of this fact just this morning before I ran out the door for the bus.

At the weekend we shall be off for two weeks of fun and games at Bedruthan Steps in Cornwall with the rest of Dulwich, yes we shall all be there, in our Boden uniforms - trying to look casual and relaxed. James is up to his eyes at work, and so I must soldier on alone...

Nevermind, I have invited Lydia my trusted PA to accompany us, and I booked all of my beauty treatments last Christmas. I shall enjoy my rest as I watch Lydia and the au pair battle with kites in high winds, cricket on a cold damp stretch of beach, and lumber Bonne Maman jars of sea creatures through rock pools with their trousers rolled up.

I may even encourage Ana to take the munchkins body boarding this year. The children don't mind the cold at all - so neither will she! I shall wave to them from the bar while I play with my Blackberry.

Oh hurrah! The summer is here.

It really isn't the weather for Pimms though is it?


lady macleod said...

It's really all in the planning isn't it? Well done my dear.

Iota said...

Pity your poor American cousins. Summer holidays here are THREE MONTHS!

The Good Woman said...

It really must be such a jovial neighbourhood - to think that you all enjoy each others company so much that you travel together too! Have a wonderful time.

rivergirlie said...

you simply must take with you a novel called 'warnings of gales' about a shared family holiday in cornwall. i command it! i note you've joined a forum of which i'm a member. how small the blog world is!

DJ Kirkby said...

I promise never to pass on the classical music tip ever again and appologise for the strife it has caused you. Glad to hear your children love summer camp so much, please would you have a word with mine?

dulwichmum said...

Dear Lady MacLeod,

I am rather proud of my forward planning! Thank you.

Welcome Sweet Iota,

I shall bear that in mind if I ever consider becoming an ex pat! Welcome.

Super Good Woman,

We really do not choose to holiday together, it is simply that we are incapable of original thought!

Welcome Rivergirlie,

I know, it is a small world. I shall rush to WH Smith tomorrow, to stock up for my holiday reading.

Lovely DJ Kirkby,

Yes indeed, please no more advice re stimulation. I am exhausted now as all of the other mothers are too. When do we rest?

mutterings and meanderings said...

Poor James, missing all that fun ...

beta mum said...

Ah Bedruthan - sigh!
So that's who all the braying parents were, the Dulwich posse!
Our kids don't break up until Tuesday week - but I imagine they'll be getting through a fair few DVDs in lieu of literacy.

dulwichmum said...

Oh M&M Darling,

Indeed, he is missing "all the fun"...

Lovely Beta Mum,

Yes Bethruthan - Dulwich upon sea. I am watching while the au pair tosses the entire contents of the Boden Kids catalogue into a case, along with 14 freshly dry cleaned pairs of my white jeans. We are off first thing in the morning!

Kelly said...

Re: prozac, saw a bumper sticker yesterday that proclaimed:

"this week I will be mostly eating....Prozac."

Adequately summed up my weekend.

Have taken the liberty of linking to your blog, as have been lurking for some time.

Scruffy Mummy said...

I never saw the point of paying so much money for private schools when they have much longer holidays! Seems werid don't you think?

And in regards to the long holidays in the US and Canada, at least in North America, there are lots of affordable camps - both day camps and going away camps where parents can send there kiddies!