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Friday, 27 July 2007

The Eden Project

This morning we set off in the super Audi Q7 for The Eden Project. Don't you simply despise such highly accoladed, socially conscientious, positively compulsory entertainment experiences? Similar in ways to films like Schindler's List; 'a must see,' but not fun and bloody depressing?

Oh well, the munchkins would have been sure to deny that we had been there despite the availability of Eden Project post cards in the hotel lobby, so we set out for the day like lemmings.

Having parked in the 'Banana' car park area (we could have parked in Melon, Lime or Strawberry) my girls (au pair and PA) took the children for the Eco grand tour, while I perused the shopping emporia. I have purchased an entire new set of Eco shopping bags, they will ensure that every other Dulwich mum will be seething with jealousy. The bags are bright primary coloured Eco friendly jute with "The Eden Project" emblazoned across the front and crucially not available for purchase on-line! I shall throw out my less fashionable collection of M&S/Sainsbury's Eco bags immediately upon my return to Dulwich.

I do not mean to detract from the Eco message in any way, I am aware that the unfortunate population of Greece and other Mediterranean countries have been experiencing 'furnace like temperatures' this summer whilst middle England is up to its bottom in river water, and so dramatic measures are called for. I am actually rather proud of my Eden Project cutting collection which I gathered this afternoon (an enormous designer handbag and nail scissors have many uses!). I have tobacco (Grandpa Charles would be lost without his cigars and Wales has been heating up somewhat of late) grapes (a girl needs her sustenance) cocoa plant (chocolate - ditto), tea (I always look after my darling mother)and on the way out I ordered a great fruiting lemon tree to be delivered to my home upon my return. What would a G&T be without it? Well, with all of this pre-occupation with global warming - it would seem complacent not to, don't you agree? Shortages of essential fruit and vegetables are apparently just around the corner.

I met the munchkins and my help by the exit, and took darling Freya to the toilet in preparation for our car journey home. My dumpling was vocal in her disgust regarding the condition of the conveniences. The water in the area is clearly thick with limescale, and the toilets have been terribly stained by yellow 'water' type marks.

"Mummy," shrieked my baby,

"these Eden people have not been using Toilet Duck."

"I know darling,"
I confirmed.

I was just grateful that I had a pocket pack of Kleenex Tissues in my bag, I could not bear to inflict the dreadful Eco toilet tissue on my darlings nether regions - surely a hardship too far!

A sudden downpour of rain on our short walk to the car followed and the dreadful Eco shopping bags have completely ruined my brand new Boden white jeans. I am disgusted, they are covered in Indigo blue dye. These Eco people are far too driven in my estimation. I fear there are unspeakable hardships ahead of us all.


The Good Woman said...

Yikes - that photo has me wondering if genetic engineering hasn't made it into the Eden Project after all...

IngeniousRose said...

Oh Dulwich Mum, for a rather long moment there you had me thinking you were being slightly too harsh on the environmentalists, but then I read about your brand new Boden white jeans. I am now in total agreement with you.

mutterings and meanderings said...

Goodness me, if global warming (or should I say climate change as it's wet not warm) is responsible for such gigantic flies, I think we should all become eco-warriors!

@themill said...

Personally I'll have to grow a lime as I much prefer it in G&T.

Omega Mum said...

Better eco bags and dirty loos. So much for the Eden experience then. Another one to cross off my list......Thank you for risking your Boden jeans to report back from the ecological front line to the rest of us.

DJ Kirkby said...

You rescued me in the nick of time as I was seriously considering inflicting ourselves with a visit to the Eden project!

rilly super said...

dulwichmum, memories of my own visit to the Eden project have been brought flooding back dear. My own trip was something of a disappointment too, although largely because of my failure to persuade my husband to share with me the apple I picked on the way round. there has been a distinct lack of original sin in our household ever since, sigh

Cherry Menlove said...

We have just come back from Cornwall as well and having managed not to visit the EP for the second year in row I am rather glad that we managed to pad around Padstow for the day instead. Dirty toilets scare me more than anything else on this earth and there is no excuse for it when an entrance fee is charged!

Elsie Button said...

ha ha brilliant! so bloody funny! all of it.

btw: i get impressed/envious EVERY time you mention your au pair and PA. i was someone's PA once.

Motheratlarge said...

Dulwich Mum, I'd say you'll have impeccable green credentials with planting that lemon tree on the back garden. Think of energy saved on flying lemons in from the Med, why, you're almost an eco-warrior mum, a lesson in environmentally-friendly self-sufficiency to us all! And I say this as one who has in her possession the latest copy of Green Parent magazine.....
I've given you an award - though not, I have to warn you, for being green. It's for being an Inspirational Blogger. Have a look over at mine for more details.

lady macleod said...

the burning question remains - can the bags be used to humble the neighborhood harpies?

your trip into the world of, dare we say in aloud? ..deprivation is heartfelt. How very brave, and not a bit less than clever, you are my dear.

The WHITE JEANS!!!! eek!

dulwichmum said...

Darling The Good Woman,

Apparently it is art! Max was disgusted it was not real. Indeed the child was traumatised as it was so lifelike and then didn't move at all. These children are spoiled by the wonders of The Natural History Museum.

Sweet Ingenious Rose,

You see I am not without my serious side, I was trying to "buy into" the whole eco theme thingy, but, they really are taking it too far by not using toilet bleech and allowing their jute baggage to run all over ones clothes. What is the world coming to?

Lovely M&M,

I felt just like a "borrower" standing beside that bumble bee. The thing is - these eco people wear unbleeched cotton, and that whole "cream" look is so terribly last year, don't you agree?

Dear @themill,

I should have picked you up a cutting! I believe you can order a tree from them online. The smaller plants that could be hidden in a bag were the only ones worth nabbing...

Sweet Omega Mum,

I never thought of myself as on the front line! How clever of you to notice. I usually only ever think of that phrase in relation to Brixton!

No - please DJ Kirkby, please go - but do be sure to bring your own Toilet Duck with you, and avoid the beautiful shopping bags like the plague.

Perfect Rilly,

Your life sounds torturous! Our men - what are we to do with them?

Lovely Cherry,

I suppose they are fundamentalist eco types down there in the Eden Project. I wonder if they have air conditioning in their cafe? The hardship - it really is not for me.

Darling Elsie,

Lydia really is a dream. I am sure you were every bit as good as she is. Do you know any good au pairs? Mine will be leaving me soon.

Motheratlarge! Perfect Friend!!! I love presents, you really are an angel!

Darling Lady MacLeod,

I would spit on the bags, but I am a lady (although not (yet) a titled one like you, clearly). I have thrown the dreadful bags in my green wheelie bin. I am on the hunt for better ones...

Moribund said...

I am torn between empathy with your sensitive child's adherence to high standards of personal and public hygiene and with the Eden Project's Cameronista commitment to ostentatiously environmentally responsible behaviour (neatly mirroring the ideological tensions between West and East Dulwich, of course).

The staining in the loos is entirely clean. It arises because they use recycled rainwater directly, rather than treated mains water. But I prefer to see it as part of a broader project of cultural improvement. Before the Eden Project opened visitors to the south of the county had to eat pasties three times a day and could only be served coffee with boiled milk (and it was full cream milk at that). After all, Tim Smit was the man who first brought balsamic vinegar to South Cornwall, no doubt carrying the first samples under cover of darkness from Bedruthan or from Rick Stein's in Padstow.

Of course, it may also be the vinegar that accounts for the stains.