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Saturday, 26 May 2007

Dog Roast

Why, oh why, oh why did I let my mother in law convince me to allow her to take the munchkins away to Wales for a week? I shall never forgive myself. The poor babies will be scarred for life!

They looked as cute as two buttons in the back of Grandpa's Range Rover, waving goodbye - DVD of Babe ready to play, tucking into raisins and banana chips. It seemed the perfect opportunity for me to finish off my book. James has gone to some European car race, no doubt he is probably being ousted from some bar or another without his trousers as I type. My darling husband is so predictable.

This evening at bed time when I called to say good night, the poppets were distressed and howling in the background. Grandma Elizabeth explained that one of her staff was having a wedding celebration in the grounds tonight, and that she had popped over with the darlings to say hello before bed time. Everything had been going well until the munchkins had become inconsolably distressed.

"Please put Max on the phone," I begged. "Please. Please now Grandma Elizabeth" ...

"They are eating dog, those dreadful Welsh people are eating dog!" cried Max.

"I beg your pardon sweetie?" I replied rather puzzled (but trying not to laugh).

"They are eating dog!" he shrieked again.

"Grandma Elizabeth, Max says they are eating dog over in the marquee," - I eventually explained trying to maintain my composure.

She misheard me and merely barked; "Yes it is a hog roast," but clearly she was not listening to Max or Freya and their distressed cries.

"They are eating dog, take us home to Dulwich, Welsh people eat dog!"

Then I heard a small sweet voice (Freya) say;

"No Max stop, grandma said 'hog'. What is a hog Grandma?" she asked calmly, instantly consoled.

I immediately remembered the DVD they had been watching earlier in Grandpa's car.


"Goodnight then my lovelies" I chirped as I hung up.

By the children's bed time I am always ready to get out the cork screw, it doesn't actually matter where the children are...

I shall be hard at work for the next five days, finishing off my book. See you all soon!


Omega Mum said...

I only learnt one phrase in Welsh (and it wasn't 'pass the Alsation') - it was 'It has been raining.' I never needed to say anything else.

Snuffleupagus said...

How exciting. You are writing a book. Even more exciting for me is that you are the type of mum we never see at my school - I'm a teacher. You are the type of mum we teachers only ever talk about, dream about, and to whom we refer constantly... 'If Johnny had a mum who did X, then he would be interested in learning' Varied versions of that sentence pass our lips 100 times a day.

Good luck without the kids. The trip will do them a world of good and they will love you even more upon their return.


Marianne said...

Relieved to know it is so quick and easy to write a book DM. Tips please? Enjoy your free weekend.

lady macleod said...

The welsh eat dog, there's a title chapter for you! Wonderful story. Go to it, type away. Fame and fortune await!

mutterings and meanderings said...

Oh no, what is worse.. eating dog or eating Babe???

Pig in the Kitchen said...

I think you do well to last until children's bedtime before getting out the corkscrew. I re-watched Casino Royale yesterday, do you know ginger eyebrows and hallitosis or not, he's still one sexy bad boy...will he still want to play opposite you in your sitcom if you diss him on the internet?!

NumberOneScumMum said...

Good grief... are you sure Grandma Elizabeth really did say "hog"? I'm just thinking about all those family pets sent "to a farm in wales". I always thought it was just a euphemism for having for having them put down, but now I'm really wondering cos it would explain a lot. I shall not sleep until I know your poor munchkins aren't at risk of BSE or something even worse.

dulwichmum said...

dulwichmum said...
Sweet Omega Mum.

That sounds like a very useful phrase for Wales. I believe it is bucketing down this evening!

Dear Snuffleupagus,

I would love to be a better mother. Really I am the pits. It is so much harder than I ever imagined.

Oh Mariane my lovely,

I just threw it together, and so it was done! I really am a lucky girl. I don't mind if no-one buys it, just so long as I get a copy to keep. It is afterall, my diary!

Perfect Lady Macleod,

What a great plan! I have found the best inspiration ever in the comments that I have read right here on my blog and in other places where people have written about me. I have kept them all!

Sweet friend M&M,

I know! But Grandma must just sort it out. I am here with my Chablis and my keyboard, what possible use can I be?

Darling PITK,

Daniel and I know eachother very well. It seems like only yesterday he was trimming my hedge - trying to make enough money to pay the bills before he became famous. He loves to be put down!

Super Numberonescummum,

I find if I drink enough wine I sleep like a baby (although I must admit a bottle fed one - they sleep the best)...

Marianne said...

When you have your launch party, please can you bring gorgeous Daniel? I of course will be accompanied by one of my brilliant sons. Who needs a partner when you have three adorable young men to choose from? xx

dulwichmum said...

Super sweet Marianne,

This sounds simply perfect. Do you think that perhaps one of your darling boys could marry my poor PA Lydia? I would consider it a personal favour.

Pig in the Kitchen said...

Oh Dulwich Mum, you know delicious Daniel...I am not worthy to comment on your blog!

dulwichmum said...

Sweet PITK,

Really, he has dreadful blackheads around his nose and suffers terribly with gingivitis (hence the halitosis)athletes foot and yeast infections. He is nothing to look at honastly...


Pig in the Kitchen said...

Hmmmm DM, you seem very acquainted with the more initmate parts of this handsome hunk, is this a case of hell hath no fury....? The plot is thickening. (at least in my head it is!)

Frog in the Field said...

Dear Dulwich Mum,
fantstic...a dog roast! I am in Wales (well, my husband is gorgeous and does have lots of could I say no?) and sometimes wondered if there was such a thing. Always thought it sounded rather good accompanying Welsh Rabbit.
I was given 3 piglets for my birthday last year, so romantic, but while relaxing alone in the Carribean in January, I received emails from the children saying Daddy just cooked us a bit of 'Trigger', really yummy. They were not joking, when I came back there were only two!