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Wednesday, 23 May 2007

Exposure

James came home from work tonight with a lot on his mind. He is deeply troubled by the exposure he says our relationship "endures" on my little bloglet. Apparently the writer Nirpal Dhaliwal blames the collapse of his marriage to newspaper columnist Liz Jones on the fact that she catalogued every aspect of their relationship on her column for all the world to see...

"James", I explained - "no one reads my tiny little blog. It is not at all like being in a newspaper column - anyhow, we are virtually anonymous".

I suppose tonight was not the right time to show him my super sweet new publishing contract, I shall save that until he has calmed down. I wonder if he would be happy if I changed his name in order to protect his identity?

The publisher suggested that I should discuss the possible negative aspects of press exposure with James prior to signing the contract. But then, we discussed the possibility of Daniel Craig playing the part of James as a condition in any sale of the screen rights, and well, if that was a possibility - I would obviously play myself...

OK, so I lost my train of thought at that point and signed it on the spot. My agent was over the moon!

What damage could a little publishing contract cause?

Have you any idea of the size of the cash advances that bloggers are currently being offered by publishers? How could James possibly object?

I have tossed my silver Sweetie Bracelet on the kitchen counter and told Ana to feel free to wear it or sell it on Ebay. I have ordered the Fashionista gold charm bracelet on the internet this very evening. I can pay for it myself now with a completely clear conscience.

Botox here I come!

15 comments:

Stay at home dad said...

I don't know where to start with that Nirpal. Only gets his horrible little book published because of his wife. Only gets a column in the Evening Standard (sorry Rilly) because of his wife. Will get a good payout in the divorce because of his wife. And has the cheek to criticize nepotism!

And what's this obsession with Daniel Craig?! Good to have you back, btw ...

Pig in the Kitchen said...

Dulwich Mum I have been a little absent, have had a flick through your recent posts...but have you got a publishing deal?! Is that why you got wasted in that hotel the other week?! Do enlighten!
Pigx

Drunk Mummy said...

Darling Dulwich Mum - if you have enough money, you and James could go for 'his 'n' hers' Botox together. That way, if he is worried about the publicity, at least it won't show on his face. In fact no emotion whatsoever will show on his face, but that doesn't really matter.

dulwichmum said...

Dear SAHD,

I am so sorry for being superficial - but he looks great in a white swim suit - Daniel not Nirpal!

Sweet PITK,

Welcome back, I have been busy too. I shall indeed tell you more very soon indeed.

Perfect Drunk Mummy,

James shows me no emotion currently anyhow, perhaps if I was surgically enhanced he would love me more?

I Beatrice said...

So that's why you haven't been to see me lately!

Well done you, though! (Do tell us what the advance is, and how it's done..... )

James will be thrilled in the end - just wait and see.

Lucy Diamond said...

YAY! Well done, Dulwich Mum. Well deserved, too.
Maybe if the advance is big enough, you could buy Daniel Craig, white trunks and all? Just a thought...

debio said...

Tell him that we don't believe that this is your actual, real life, life.
We all think we're reading fiction - perfectly presented, but fiction nevertheless!

rilly super said...

oh dulwichmum, please believe me when I tell you that the tears which I weep at reading this news are those of pure joy on your behalf, sob sob sob

I hope your promotional tour will bring you up north and that the lovely James will accompany you, although tell him to bring his thermal swimming trunks won't you

anyway, absolutely briliant news and nobody deserves a bestseller, which I'm sure it will be, more, dear DM

Thekla said...

Ah, DulwichMum. Finally I understand the satire here. There are all these lovely lady bloggers who get publishing contracts, and that is what you have aimed your wit and charm at today. How amusing ...

But then, quite often what you post does seem to be true. Have you really signed a contract to actually produce more of this stuff *in print*?

Let's hope they give you a good editor ...

lady macleod said...

Congratulations! That is brilliant. You must be thrilled.

Omega Mum said...

Hurrah! Well done! More details, please.....

AntiScam said...

Well done! Don't let any small minded people on their high horses with back handed compliments put you off.

Maybe I'll do a piece on proxy servers to mask locations and stuff like that.

NumberOne said...

OMG - the thought of that bone-idle, monobrowed, whingeing porker, Nirpal in a white cozzie is enough to give me bulimia without ever needing to stick my fingers down my throat.

Tell Your darling hubby, that nobody would ever compare the two of them, not least because James has a JOB

mutterings and meanderings said...

Well done!

UN PEU LOUFOQUE said...

Wow, do you mean to say that publishers actaully read blogs...good gracious! I have obviously missed out by livng in the heart of rural Brittany, I didn't know people actually read the damn things Ekk!

Do love Antiscams desciption of "small minded people on their high horses with back handed compliments" have a rather strange image of a pinhead men playing a bizzare form of polo or something!