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Thursday, 3 May 2007

Old Bag

I almost used my new Anya Hindmarch "I'm not a plastic bag" today, but it occurred to me how it was actually on reflection rather naff.

It is the equivalent of carrying a sign saying "I am a fashion victim," or "I queued up at 6am outside a supermarket" or "I got ripped off on Ebay," or even God forbid "I support abusive manufacturers."

No, it is not me at all I decided, and gave it to Ana the au pair. It is best to keep my enemies close - the girl now completely adores me. I have arranged for her to go out on a date with the children's trampoline coach from "the local comprehensive school you pay for" this weekend. Why would she ever be interested in an old man like James?

My God, that trampoline instructor is so attractive I would almost risk giving birth to quads myself!


Anonymous said...

Hang on - you were avoiding triplets yesterday, yet contemplating quads today - unless, that is, you're referring to a trampolining-induced muscle group, in which case, go for it...!
Omega Mum

dulwichmum said...

Dear Omega Mum,

I am ovulating at the very thought! Shame on me...

beta mum said...

Gosh - I haven't come across a real person who's actually got one of those bags yet.
Are you a real person though?
I'm with Michelle Hanson on this one - reclaim the old bags on wheels and make them trendy.
They couldn't be greener.

mutterings and meanderings said...

I thought the idea was to employ ugly au pairs so there wouldn't be a problem!

I'd've stuck the bag on eBay...

Scruffy Mummy said...

Yeah, I agree with Beta Mum. Get out your grannies shopping trolley!

Oh and have you checked out this blog yet my dear?

Drunk Mummy said...

Dear Dulwich Mum,
Do be careful if you are considering trampolining yourself to impress this instructor. My friend (mother of 3) had an unfortunate incident with a trampoline, owing to a pelvic floor which was, shall we say, somewhat slack. Damp knickers may have their place in steamy courtships, but not this sort of damp.

dulwichmum said...

Dear Beta Mum,

Am I real person? Mmm I think you know the answer to that one. Is the office a documentary?

Darling M&M,

I wish you had been here this morning. What was I thinking? I shall sneak it out of her room tonight and whack it on Ebay!

Scruffy Mummy sweetie,

I shall check out that site next!

Dear Chum Drunk Mummy,

OHMYGOD!!! And I was thinking that gall stones were an inconvenience! Did this woman not have private healthcare? That is the very reason why God invented the "Sun Roof Entrance" for babies with a capital U!

antarctichousehusband said...

Thank God you didn't use the bag, DM. It screams "I shop at Sainsburys"! And we all know you're a Waitrose girl through and through.

dulwichmum said...

Darling Antarctichousehusband,

Once again you are so very right in all things.

East of Dulwich said...

Can I just put in a plug for the uber-cool keyring reusable shopping bag being sold at SMBS (stands for "so much beautiful sustanance") on Lordhip Lane? Oh dear, I just did. (Is this BBC or ITV?)