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Sunday, 25 May 2008

European horror

I could not let the horrors I have witnessed on my TV screen go unmentioned (OHMYGOD!).

It has become clear to me that urgent action must be taken (gasp).

As a civilised nation we can no longer afford to be complacent when we have personally witnessed such heinous and depraved acts perform on our high definition TV screens. It is time for us to take a stand, we have a moral obligation to take urgent action, there is no place for complacency when our security and the welfare of our children are in obvious jeopardy.

Last night I sat open mouthed with horror, as the obvious threat from our clearly disturbed and traumatised Euro neighbours unfolded before my very eyes. This year The Eurovision song contest has served as a warning of an impending catastrophe.

Sweden were represented by a woman who resembled a Donatella Versace meets menacing Van Helsing lady boy. We expected them (as usual) to provide us with all of the entertainment value of a freak circus side show, but Latvia confirmed a deeply disturbed streak with their Pirates of the Caribbean and aged page 3 model combination. That woman is fortunate not to have impaled herself on her under wiring.

Bosnia presented us with a collection of gyrating traumatised brides, a washing line and an apparently drug crazed blood stained groom. The woman who sang for Poland should serve as a warning to all of those who consider a trip to old Eastern Block countries for cheap cosmetic dentistry. So many of the old USSR countries were represented by traumatised singing sex workers and sinister chick boys clearly substantiating evidence of the frightful atrocities that have taken place on this planet in the past. These people should be re-repressed immediately. They were behind a wall for a reason.

It is time to redraw the iron curtain, last night I went to bed grateful that we live on an Island, our borders must be patrolled and policed. If this was considered family entertainment, God himself only knows what they would present us with as toilet facilities.

I must go an lie down, I fear I am getting one of my heads. If there is to be any hope for the future of our darling children, these people must be stopped.

23 comments:

Working mum said...

It's come a long way since Abba and Brotherhood of Man hasn't it?

BTW I voted for the pirates, did I do wrong?

dulwichmum said...

Sweet Friend Working Mum,

You were clearly traumatised by sight of the Latvian entry and cannot be held responsible for your actions. My own darling James had just polished off half a bottle of port when those gyrating pirates took to the stage and he became unpleasantly frisky as that buxom wench began to leap about. OHMYGOD...

Don't you agree that the public must be protected from this kind of thing?

aims said...

Drats! Why do I miss out on all the fun?!

We don't get to view any of this in Canada. Instead we are saddled with American Idol (groan!).

Dearest Dulwichmum - do top up that drink and take out the cubes...they just dilute it anyway!

rilly super said...

dulwichmum darling, I shall rest easy knowing you are on the case of our exposure to such cultural calamities. By the way I have belatedly found out about your telegraph column. Your bid for world domination continues unabated. good on you girl!

dulwichmum said...

Darling Aims,

Consider yourself lucky. That show was an assault on the senses. Here let me fill you a pint glass...

Rilly sweetie,

I am simply lucky that they did not stumble upon your perfect blog first darling (sigh).

Potty Mummy said...

Husband and I watched it last night down under DM. Can you imagine what our Aussie brethren made of it? Needless to say I have been keeping my mouth shut in the hotel this morning for fear of betraying my European origins...

Frog in the Field said...

DM, you are, as usual, SO right!
I too was tempted to write a similar posting, but so terribly glad I didn't, yours in perfect Darling!
Ha HA! We too were in hysterics at the plumped lips stretched over bleached teeth.
We like to think we are fair (if not wickedly cruel)

dulwichmum said...

Lovely Potty Mummy,

I hope you are having a wonderful time. However, I feel your pain, keep your head down darling, don't let a soul suspect your european origin.

Darling Frog,

How kind you are. Leave wicked and cruel to me, it comes naturally!

I Beatrice said...

Thank God for Sir Terence Wogan I say (and that's something you don't often hear from me!). But his commentary is the only thing that makes the ghastly thing even remotely watchable....

Now he tells us that the voting is heavily rigged anyway. Block voting by the Eastern Bloc, or some such thing. So that in the interests of national integrity, never mind about national pride, we really have no alternative but to pull out of the whole damned shenanigans!

A Confused Take That Fan said...

Well, Dulwich Mum, Frog in the Field and Potty Mummy,
After reading your inspirational stories in the paper last weekend, I have decided to dip my toe into the blogging waters myself. It is both nerve wracking and exciting. Wish me more success than England in last nights Eurovision...!

Working mum said...

Oh yes, that was it, it was the bottle of Merlot that made me do it!

Expatmum said...

I can't believe The Euro Song thingy is still going strong. I clearly remember watching the one where ABBA won, and they were a lot better than the rest. The photo of last night's looks positively terrifying. Perhaps there's a plus to being on this side of the Atlantic after all.

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Darling, you can then imagine my terror when we discovered that the "clubhouse" on the mobile home park (or, as it's known locally the caravan park) not only watched the Eurovision Song Contest but were encouraged to choose which country they wanted to "be" as they watched the onscreen gyrations.

David and I sat openmouthed as a positive array of countries wandered past our door, including a woman dressed up as one of those Russian doll things.

It has merely underlined the fact that I will not be setting foot in another caravan park as long as I shall live.

Elsie Button said...

And poor Terry sounded so depressed throughout....

Here, There, Elsewhere... and more said...

Hi,
Glad to found this super blog -
it would appear I'm not the only one who remembers Abba and the Brotherhood of Man - I used to actually enjoy the show in those good 'ole days !

Gets worse and worse though as time goes by, wonder what are they waiting for to scrap it all once and for all..:)

dulwichmum said...

Dear Friend I beatrice,

I feel so very strongly about this. Let us withdraw from this farcical competition, and perhaps we could start up another. A competition for serious nations such as ourselves, with the odd comedy participant like perhaps the Norwegians and the Welsh. What do you think?

Darling Confused Take That fan,

I am another devotee of Take That, although my particular love is King Gary of Barlow. Welcome to the blogosphere, it really is the only place to socialise. I love your cakes!

Sweet Working Mum,

If it were not for the alcohol, how would any of us working parents survive?

Kind Expatmum,

Count yourself lucky (sigh).

Nice Nunhead Mum of One,

I tried to warn you dear sister, but you would not be told (tut, tut). Come and join us in Bedruthan this summer, they are a much more civilised group of people. Padstow is virtually Dulwich on sea!

Lovely Elsie,

You know I thought that making poor Terry sit through that show was a form of elder abuse...

Perfect Here, there, elsewhere and more,

Welcome to my blog. Indeed, let us scrap this Eurovision fiasco, and have a United Kingdom version with a few selected guests... I had hoped that Dustin the turkey would win for Ireland. He was an inspired performer...

Great Big Veg challenge said...

Dulwich Mum
Would you consider entering next year?
I mean - Dulwich needs to be put on the map.

Shewho Willremain Nameless said...

I'm with Sir Terry and the rest of you! We did a sneaky thing, though, and recorded it, then started watching it much later. The pirates must have lasted, oh a whole 5 seconds with us, and the woman with the teeth? Fast forwarding her was much more fun! Hewho enjoyed that!

Pig in the Kitchen said...

bang on the button as ever DM. Our joy as that wall came down in '89 ('90?) was definitely misplaced; have you ever had someone hailing from east of the Seine plumb your bathroom or lay your floor? They should stick to pneumatic enhancements.
Pigx

dulwichmum said...

Darling GBVC,

What a plan! Will you enter too?

Lovely Shewho willremain nameless,

I am having a flash back to those teeth as I type - OHMYGOD!

Perfect Pig in the kitchen,

What pray is a pneumatic enhancement? Are they anything to do with underwiring?

(Very) Lost in France said...

DM - we watched it with the subtitles on which at least provided some measure of humour and detracted from the horror/freak show on the television. Our most favourite lyric was from the Spanish entry 'my lady love did the chikichiki with her pants in her hand'(!!)although weirdy beardy Sebastien singing about 'The Chivers' came a close second. Have yet to find any French person who knows what 'The Chivers' are. Then, just to prove there is a god, a timely storm came along and we lost our satellite signal so no more Eurobysmal Song Contest. Still we all knew an Eastern Bloc county would win. I'm leaving it's future, or lack of it, in your capable hands. VLIF

dulwichmum said...

Sweet VLIF,

I found the entire programme extremely traumatic. Can I offer you a glass of Chablis to pour on your cornflakes?

Wild Ivy said...

I think you are even more scathing than Terry Wogan - well done!!

Spare a thought for me, I am preggers and had to watch the whole ordeal without a sniff of booze!!