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Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Pride feels no pain

Life is far too short for sensible shoes.

The first time I saw a pair of "healthy" Birkenstock sandals I was completely traumatised. I stared, wide eyed, speechless, and simply could not fathom the attraction. I was on a mini-break to Munich at the time, this was clearly a German idiosyncrasy, I reasoned, like frightful Lederhosen and unshaven arm pits. Oh how I wish I had been right (sigh).

Next came "comfortable" Ugg boots (gasp), as alluring as Grandpa's carpet slippers. Kate Moss could wear her pants on her head and it would catch on... but OHMYGOD, just when you think it could not get any worse, they launch the "practical" Croc! Say no more (typed with one hand as clutching chest).

This summer it seems to be the turn of the "natural" MBT, with all of the elegance of a therapeutic built up shoe. I understand the advertising, playing on the current fashion to be more in touch with our environment. "walk like a Masai warrior" apparently it is healthy and natural (therefor sooo trendy!).

This is Dulwich dear friends, not the pampas grasslands, and nothing could be more painful than ugly shoes. After all, pride feels no pain.

Today whilst surfing about on the Internet, I wondered whatever next. Have the designers taken it so very far with the ugly shoe that they have turned their attention to ugly clothes?

Not for me girls, not while there is breath in my lungs, space on my credit card and DVF in Selfridges. I promise right here and now, nothing will ever convince this girl to wear a soya cat suit!


gillie said...

I think it is all a case of balance (quite hard in some of my shoes!) As I don't live in Dulwich (or indeed London or the South but parts far north) I can't comment on the appropriate footwear for the Ladies of SE22. I have a shameful secret .... I quite like my colourful birkenstocks, I also have a pair of mbts (comfy but ugly beyond belief I agree) but can't quite get my head around crocs. I bought some fitflops last year, my thighs still don't look like those of Kate Moss, but they were great on holiday when I had to drag the dingy(!) On the other hand I have some seriously unhealthy shoes designed to cripple your average olympic gymnast, I just don't wear them to walk the dogs. As for the catsuit - personally I would rather eat it than wear it and I HATE soya!

GoneBackSouth said...

I'm glad to see you'll stick to your guns and not be swayed by comfy fashion. Me, I'm less principled and do wear trainers and flip flops whenever possible. Occasionally I make a mental note to "buy more shoes" but then I forget.

aims said...

Crocs!! If only that nasty creature would eat them all up! They are a bane to fashion and we see men wearing them here as well.

Nothing dear girl - nothing - compares to a good 4 inch stiletto!
Preferrably from Jimmy Choo.

Gary said...

Oh, shoes! While walking in NYC about a year ago with a friend we saw a woman wobble and fall over her own shoes. She was VERY dramatic about the whole thing and cried out, etc. My friend turned to me and said "That's what she gets for wearing cheap ass Payless shoes". (He was wearing Prada).

The whole shoe thing is kinda lost on me but I still know ugly when I see it. Keep fighting for fashion!

dulwichmum said...

Gillie darling,

I am glad that you shared with us, and that you are managing to resist the soya cat suit. If you are ever suffering from doubt, I shall be here for you sweetie. Can I offer you a nice glass of Chablis?

Lovely Gonebacksouth,

If you ever need someone to help you to remember to shoe shop - just drop by! Perhaps we could hit Sloane Square together. I am sure that I cac rehabilitate you. Can I freshen up that drink for you?

Perfect Aims,

I knew that you would fight the good fight. I swear I could jog in a four inch heel - but hey, why jog when a girl can drive?

Gary Sweetie!

Oh how I wish I had met with you when I went shopping to New York last November! Your chum sounds like a hoot, I am sure that we could have had a ball on Fifth Avenue spending my husbands lovely cash. When I die, I want my ashes to be scattered in Barneys.

Elsie Button said...

I'm with you on the crocs - they are very comfortable but hideous. A kind family member bought me a pair... dare I say it... from Thailand - i know, FAKE crocs adds insult to injury, and probably not a concept a posh lady such as yourself can deal with.

I have chosen not to wear them in public and use them solely to do the housework in.

As for birkenstocks - i own about 20 (real) pairs and love them - i am the birkenstock queen! in fact my friends call me 'birkenstock button' (no not really, i'm getting carried away, sorry)

It's too early, i'm going back to bed.

Expatmum said...

Unless I have incredibly skinny feet (which I doubt) I have never come across a pair of Crocs that weren't six inches wider than the average foot. (Just trying them on for research purposes you understand.)
I also think there should be a rule that if you wear trainers, you have to jog at least five miles immediately.

Nunhead Mum of One said...

I can't control's not a pretty sight but Mac loves his crocs.

I'm trying again with wedge shoes - I can't drive in them though, can't walk in them, let's face it, they're purely for decoration!

girl with the mask said...

"Pride feels no pain". Indded, with women and shoes, it does not. I hear ya.

(great blog)

girlwiththemask x

Suburbia said...

I can't believe you're not just dying to purchase the catsuit! It would look especially good with some pink Crocs don't you think? Just off to dig out my credit card....

dulwichmum said...

Darling Elsie,

I fear you have over shared (sigh)!

Oh Expatmum sweetie!

What a perfect proposal.

Perfect Nunhead mum of one,

But all shoes are for decoration, aren't they?

Lovely Girl with the mask,

Thank you for your kind words.

Dear Suburbia,

I will purchase the cat suit if I can boil it with a couple of stock cubes and serve it with baby sweet corn and scallops!

(Very) Lost in France said...

Masai Barefoot Technology - invented by a Swiss man after a trip to Korea. ..weird. I guess Korean Barefoot Technology doesn't have quite the same ring to it. Here in rural France, wellies are de rigeur and you can go shopping in your slippers. My Marc Jacobs have hardly seen the light of day.

Pig in the Kitchen said...

Oh DM, i do think it's a good thing that we only meet in cyberspace. You would be truly, truly appalled at the things I put on my feet. I'm quite excited by the soya cat suit as have been invited to a Bond-themed party. I was going as a sensible MoneyPenny, but the cat suit might have swayed me...
'nothing could be more painful than ugly shoes', you're fab!

dulwichmum said...

Dear (very) lost in France,

I know, that is what I was thinking too, Korean barefoot technology, invented by a Dr Muller from Switzerland... oh dear. When you are next in London, bring your Marc Jacobs and we can go disco dancing!

Darling Pig in the Kitchen,

Good for you for having the figure for the soya cat suit. When they make a vacuum pack/integrated corset type cat suit - I may just go for it. I love you sweetie, and I want the world to know.

Pig in the Kitchen said...

Bugger! I forgot I need a good body. Can you provide a link to one?!

love you toooo!

Exmoorjane said...

Ah (blush) LOVE my Birkies and my UGGS (though would never be seen dead in Crocs - they're *plastic* for heaven's sake -yeeuch). But then I do live in a town with cobbled lanes and the last time I wore high heels I measured my length right opposite the pub (witnessed by a crowd of, oh at least five cider-swilling youths). I am wildly tempted by MBTs but at the moment am adoring my FitFlops (tone your bum while you merrily stride along).
Late to the party as always but congrats on your Telegraph gig and two fingers to the miserable pastards who carp (I think Devon has a point frankly). Water off a duck's back - all publicity is good publicity blah-di-blah. Go girl.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Rather than wearing those ugly shoes, maybe they could carpet the whole of SE London in sand. Or you could have someone scatter it liberally in front of you as you walk along. Then you could be completely barefoot and show off your lovely pedicure.
Mr B regularly scatters goose feathers in front of me so that my feet remain all cushioned and soft. Sighhh.

(Very) Lost in France said...

Dulwichmum, you're on. Mind you be prepared. Apart from several disastrous line dancing classes (it's that or marry your cousin here...) I've hardly bopped for a while so I may break into a quick Texan twostep and won't recognise anything except 'achy breaky heart'.

Sally's Chateau said...

Well I'm all bewildered, and I thought I was chic ? apparently not. I didn't know that flip flops toned your derriƩre whilst you walked. ooh goody there's hope yet. Well done on your Telegraph column too.

MarmiteToasty said...

I dont care what anyone says, I LOVE me crocs.... I do only wear them in the garden though, usually when I have to nip down the bottom to let Janet and Mabel our pet chickens out.... they are comfy and scrub up well.... ok ok, I would NEVER wear them outside of the confines of me garden where no one can see them lol..... and to add insult they are PINK and I so dont do PINK :)


DJ Kirkby said...

Erm...I must confess to owning a pair of Birkenstocks...

beset by boys said...

Dear Dulwichmum

You are my first blog comment, and I couldn't resist. Have you been into Biff recently? My feet are too skinny for all sensible shoes which resemble boats on my canoe-shaped tootsies. I know, call me cinders.

I have one word for you. GEOX. They are more than just loafers. Biff have some light weight, summer wedges, with at least a 2" heel, and sparkly crystals atop. All for about 75 notes. Go see, go see.

If all else fails, I will encourage boy number 1 and his nursery class mates to tip the sand from their shoes all over gallery road. It will only take a matter of days for the whole village to be transformed into dulwich on sea.

Millennium Housewife said...

To be fair, I'd rather my daughter wore crocs (cringe) than the lelli kelli monstrosities she likes to sport. When oh when will she grow out of them? Those bloody adverts with their pink sparkly girls and rubbish (but appealing) 'free' gifts - Nothing is free when you pay £30 for a pair of little girls' shoes beleive me.

mrs_inaction_man said...

Oh darling DM, you surely know by now how much I love you, BUT, I do believe I saw your fragrant James in the queue at Moxon's last saturday in some navy crocs!

dulwichmum said...

Perfect Pig,

Lets book a colonic?

Kind Exmoorjane,

I am really delighted by your kind words, thank you so much.;)

Nice Jo,

You really have the perfect partner (sigh.

Super (very) lost in France,

I myself lose interest unless it is Take That or specifically Gary Barlow. I have no interest in Amy Whitehouse or Jason Timberland...

Divine Sally's chateau,

Thank you for your kind words. I am surfing the internet tonight looking for the bucking bronco stool that Gillian McKeith was raving on about on TV earlier in the year ... it tones your bottom while you sip Chablis and watching Holby City! Potentially everything is an exercise.

Marmitetoasty Dear heart,

Good for you! I myself love pink, but would not wear it outside the garden, so there is a time and a place for everything (although even my bedroom slippers and wellies have a 3 inch heel).

Darling DJ Kirkby,

What we actually do, and what we actually do are two different things! I fear you may have over shared!

Perfect Beset By Boys,

I am honoured, and what a plan!!! Although I must admit that I consider Padstow in Cornwall to be Dulwich-on-Sea, have you been to Bedruthan yet? I shall meet you there for the first two weeks of the school holidays - I can't wait!;)

Lovely Millenium Housewife,

What the babies wear is fine and not their fault, they wear big Petit Batueau knickers too afterall, but for us dear heart? Cumbersome and servicable are out of the question, are they not?

Sweet Mrs_inaction_man,

Are you sure sweetie? OHMYGOD! I know that you never EVER speak with a forked tongue, that man has gone too far this time... And I thought that he had gone far enough with the four inch patent red heels during the rugby least year, I have had enough I tell you, ENOUGH!!!

(Very) Lost in France said...

Dulwichmum, thanks for adding a link to my blog. Very kind of you. Look forward to dancing in my MJs

dulwichmum said...

Dear (very) lost in France,

I love your cat! I love cats (sigh), does he purr like a machine?

(Very) Lost in France said...

DM, that's Mad Baz, he's only 5 months old but completely certifiable. And yes, he does purr like a machine, usually at 5am whilst chewing your nose. He's one of the 5 we have at present. I help out doing grant stuff for a local French cat charity and I just can't say no! Maybe I should leave the shoes and bring the kitty?

dulwichmum said...

Deal done!

You bring the puss and I will provide the Mojito's!

rivergirlie said...

what i have never understood is where the masai go to buy their mbts - i mean, you don't get them just anywhere (thank goodness).
the best thing about mbts, though, from your point of view, dm, is that people who incautiously throw themselves into wearing them almost all develop crippling achilles tendonitis which, at least, keeps them off the streets. x

Alice said...

Excellent post. Well, I also wear UGG Australia boots because those are very comfy and provide full support to my feet.