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Thursday, 29 May 2008

Truth

Perfect Max insists that he is now too old for Bob the builder and tiring with Sportacus. My tiny man requests to spend his thirty minutes per day, TV ration, on Raven, Kerching and even Tracy Beaker (OHMYGOD!).

I arrived home last night to find my darling son engrossed in an episode of some frightful children's TV programme - the horrid pre-teen characters were describing how they had found out about (and they spelled it rather than say the word) S-E-X. I almost expired.

Max turned to me immediately and asked: "Mummy, what is S-E-X?"

"I really don't know darling, your father never tells me anything," I laughed nervously - congratulating myself on how very cleaver I was for coming up with such a super answer. James stalked in through the front door behind me, just in time to be asked by Freya:

"Daddy, what is S-E-X?"

"I genuinely can't remember, it has been so very long indeed," he barked, turning to glare at me...

Isn't he hilarious?

I popped straight over to Dulwich Books on the way home from work this evening and bought my poppets a copy of "Mummy Laid an Egg", a super sweet illustrated paper back that explains the facts of life. I would hate for my darling babies to grow up as innocent as I did. My mother Brenda still insists that she found me under a cabbage, I sometimes think that it would have been better for all concerned if this were true (sigh).

As we leafed through the lovely book this evening, I was calm in the knowledge that I am educating my munchkins appropriately.

"This is the really real truth, isn't it mummy," said darling five year old Freya. "Not like all of that rubbish that you tell us about the tooth fairy and Santa." Max lost his first tooth earlier this week, my babies are growing up before my eyes (sniff).

9 comments:

http://reluctantmemsahib.wordpress.com said...

I heartily agree - completely brilliant book, essential parenting tool for mothers everywhere. Though I doubt many will fall for the baby-glides-out-of-toothpaste-tube scenario. Certainly never felt like it was that easy? Even if our children may be passingly enamoured of the idea they were spawned in a Colgate factory.

Elsie Button said...

i too was very innocent until quite late on... i was always led to believe that it happened by magic whilst both parties were asleep and without them knowing anything about it.

i am going to have to get that book - the toothpaste tube analogy sounds bizarre!

Elsie Button said...

i have just ordered this book on amazon! - more for my own curiosity...

girl with the mask said...

Keep the innocence! Keep it!

A Confused Take That Fan said...

I always thought babies were made by kissing. In old films it would show a kiss and then a few scenes later, she would announce they were having a baby...None of that heavy panting and under cover shennanigans that goes on in films today!

Oh, and after childbirth, you often wish it was a simple as finding your gorgeous bunndle under a cabbage and wasn't the hours of heavy panting and under cover shennigans!

dulwichmum said...

Perfect Reluctantmemsahib,

I just love the illustrations, I like the one where the babies are found under stones the best!

Sweet Elsie,

If only it could happen in our sleep, yawn... That book is perfect for Betty - when she is older, clearly.

Lovely Girl with the mask,

I knew that you were an innocent girl really, despite your knowledge of - er... toys.

Darling Confused Take That Fan,

"hours" of heavy panting? OHMYGOD, the au pair would tell the world and I would be the talk of the school yard!

Potty Mummy said...

Sounds like a book I may need soon. Especially since Boy #1 is convinced that he not only started life as egg, but that I 'laid' it, so to speak...

aims said...

Gosh - your husband sounds like me in the kitchen just last night...sigh....

dulwichmum said...

Oh Potty Mummy darling, let me lend you our copy - if I can just get the children to give it back ...

Aims sweetie!

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