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Friday, 20 April 2007

Mummy Rehab

I have not been a good mummy. Over the Easter holidays my parenting skills have completely dis-integrated and I have descended into a cycle of barking orders at the lambs and confining them regularly to the naughty step. I have no doubt that my shrieks from our home of late, have become a regular source of alarm and amusement, providing our elderly neighbours with a veritable circus sideshow of entertainment.

The mists of paranoia have now descended and my self-esteem is at an all time low. I feel racked with Roman Catholic style, deep and all encompassing mother type guilt. I need to replenish my energy levels, go in search of my true self, rekindle my self esteem and find a calmer me.

The parenting manuals and course I have been on of late have left me more than a little confused. The authors of 'Freakonomics' - Levitt and Dubner articulated my confusion beautifully, "spare the rod and spoil the child, spank the child and go to jail." I really don't know where to start anymore.

I am enveloped in an dreadful sense of failure...

I successfully completed my Lenten fast, and abstained from alcohol and chocolate for six full weeks, but now that my little helpers are permitted once more I just can't seem achieve optimum blood levels of either, where is my equilibrium?

Myself and my great friend Devi have decided to go for a Mummy Rehab weekend. We shall take a weekend of time out to rest and seek inspiration to go on. My mother in law is about to visit, and arriving so soon after the dreadful school holidays could just push me over the edge... I'm off!

I have informed my mother in law that I am going to a work conference, which a colleague is suddenly unable to attend due to a family crisis. Naturally James knows the truth.

We have managed to book a last minute 'Girls Night In Weekend at The Berkley'. Beauty treatments, chick flicks, Diptyque candles, chocolates, ice cream, cocktails and fine dining at Petrus just downstairs. We shall spend Saturday shopping on Bond Street for us - not a Baby Boden catalogue in sight, hurrah!

I shall be home in time to detox the little scamps on Sunday night. I need a holiday after their school holidays, as I require plenty of emotional energy in order to wean the munchkins off sugar when grandma leaves town.

Soon I shall be back to my old superficial, perfectly groomed, usually slightly ethanolic self. I do so wish you could join us!


AntiScam said...

Dear DM,


Anonymous said...

Way to go, Dulwichmum! I wish I was coming too.

mcewen said...

Your blue background has just turned a nauseous shade of green!
Have a great time.

dulwichmum said...

Thanks Antiscam and Anonymous. I think my break is long overdue.

Darling Mcewen,

I am afraid I don't understand your comment. Please explain.


NumberOneScumMum said...

Dearest DM. Do not feel guilty for your testiness. As you have told us on many occasions over the past few weeks, James has been off doing god knows what and that, coupled with the stresses and strains of your high powered job, in-laws and your minxy au-pair, have understandably left you feeling drained. Should you credit card ever be feeling the strain, you are very welcome to join us in Northcote Road on a friday for a few breezers.

dulwichmum said...

Darling NumberOneScumMum,

Thanks for reminding me of why I desserve to buy myself a Links of London Sweetie bracelet before I return tomorrow evening to THAT MAN AND HIS MOTHER! Oh dear, I fear I may be drunk!