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Thursday, 12 April 2007

Where to start?

A friend of mine recently attended a social function at which a former member of the British royal family was a guest. This ex royal, once had a reputation for being a fun loving party girl, with a natural Pre-Raphaelite type of beauty. Not any more, apparently now her face is now so pulled and full of fillers and Botox that she is practically unable to chew food. It is easy however, for us to scoff...

I made a list of potential treatments for consideration this evening, prompted by the recent athletic exploits of our au pair sur le trampoline in front of my perfect husband.

I think I would like to begin with medical microdermabrasion myself, followed by a hint of Botox and a couple of touches of Restylane. I should like nice shiny new veneers, some small but pert saline implants, a tiny tummy tuck, another rhinoplasty, and a slight brow lift. I like to think of this as a little 'fine tuning'. This is not for James you understand, no it is for me. I always like to make the best of myself.

That complete, I should like a major makeover hair cut and colour with Nicky Clarke himself followed by a day or two with the personal shopper at Selfridges. I am not feeling even slightly insecure, I just like to look after myself you understand.

I will have eyelash and brow dyeing, eyelash extensions, Everlasting nail polish manicure and pedicure from Nails inc., a touch of lazer hair removal on the upper lip, eyebrow threading, extensive waxing, Elemis exotic lime and ginger salt glow treatment followed by a nice massage and spray tan. Oh, all the usual routine stuff every girl does each month.

When to stop? OHMYGOD. You see how easy it is to loose control, to end up looking like Frankenstein's monster?

Perhaps I should just ask the au pair to go? I simply don't fancy a general anaesthetic, or looking for a new au pair actually. Ana is so good with the children, so reliable, and they so love her.

I shall take a friend's advice, insist she wears a boiler suit in my home and buy myself some Magic Nickers. Now where did I put that corkscrew?


Drunk Mummy said...

Golly! And I thought I was doing so well with the home pedicure.
Now you mention it though, Dulwich Mum, the rest of the body is looking a little 'tired.'
I like the sound of that 'Everlasting nail polish' although it says something about our sad and sorry times that 'everlasting' is actually 3 weeks, in the small print!

dulwichmum said...

Darling Drunk Mummy,

I knew 'everlasting' actually meant for just 3 weeks, but I wonder how long 'till death us do part' actually means?


Anonymous said...

Cara DM
Congratulations on your musings... As a wife, just recently moved to London and soon to move to Dulwich, of a very much perfect British dear boy... I have taken to you as a Mentor... a guiding star for the season to come and a compass on my continental ways! So I have been keeping my respectful distance, but the issue with your sweet family helper made me want to intervene... In my part of the world, my Mama (a career woman herself) always had a small help to organise the day of her 5 darlings... but Help always arrived in the form of a girl from somewhere rural (with a bit of in breeding going on, if you know what I mean) recommended by someone from the region and desperate to benevolently open the poor girl horizons... the result was a very dedicated helper and NO issues around the house... maybe your In Laws acquaintance can help with someone from the remote Wales that would fit with the profile and in generous need of civilization... ContinentalWife

dulwichmum said...

You know dear Continental Wife,

I think you could be right! I shall investigate forthwith. We have more in common you know than you think...

gymbunny said...

Well Helloo Dulwichmum!

A regular to your "blog" (and EDF) - surely there's a more pleasant, less dirty way of describing it (?) I notice you mention the Restylane.

That time has come and I boll*cks, want (is this not the same?) a wee plump and wonder if you managed those "couple of touches"? Would love some info and places in Dulwich that you may recommend.

Looking forward to hearing from you!


dulwichmum said...

Perfect Gymbunny,

I have a friend who swears the only place to go for this type of treatment is in Reigate. If you require more detailed information I am sure you could find the practitioner with Google - although I believe there may be a waiting list.

mani said...

I'd appreciate! I've been planning to get my nose straightened and this blog seems to be very informative for people like me that look out for info on rhinoplasty