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Wednesday, 20 June 2007


The School Uniform List for my fair-haired boy arrived just a couple of weeks ago and the shock almost prompted an anxiety attack. It seems like only yesterday that I was admiring his little chubby fingers, knees and ankles. Where has my sweet dimpled cherub disappeared to? Max just cannot wait to wear his "big boy blazer" and head off from nursery to pre-prep. I was informed by my friend Vashi that the uniform can cost four hundred pounds per tiny five year old child!

I was horrified. That is almost as much as my new Allegra Hicks kaftan. Max is far too young to appreciate such an expensive wardrobe.

I was initially at a loss with regard to how I would secure the right school uniform for my munchkin. He has neither an older sibling or cousin who can provide him with the appropriately worn and frayed clearly second hand garments. I do not wish for him to have every item brand new - it just makes us parents look like brash show offs! I so hate to feel exposed...

Vashi complained bitterly that the shorts are such poor quality; "they are machine-washable for Gods sake," she whined. Well I should hope so too, I do not intend to dry clean my five year old boy's school shorts!

Grandma Elizabeth (Granzilla) turned up unexpectedly in her old gold Rolls Royce last weekend and announced; "the boy shall use his blazer as a goal post in the morning and a football by the afternoon like every normal boy - new is completely out of the question." She cruised down to the annual second hand uniform sale, authoritatively skipped the queue and purchased most of the stock! She really is a joy sometimes (not often I admit). I had heard that those second hand sales had all the dignity of a rugby scrum, and although I really wanted some second hand items for my darling, I didn't intend to be trampled to death in the quest for them.

I so hope my son takes after his grandma (purely with regard to her ability to assert herself). Perhaps the poppet will play rugby for Wales afterall - she probably could. Little Max will look simply perfect on the first day of term, and I have saved enough money to buy myself another kaftan!

Lets pop a bottle tonight?


Frog in the Field said...

Dear DM,
Thank goodness! I was so worried about you after reading Guise! You didn't sound yourself at all!
I loved the Prep second hand sale, hardly any of it had been worn and it saved so much money, I still managed to spend £400 though.
And, you are so luckly! My mother stood, watching, tutting about Marks and Sparks under her breath, with not so much of a flit towards her check book when it was all tooted up.
I'm sure that the earthquake in Kent, in April, was owing to her dropping her purse!
Now my daughter has the audacity to start sprouting a chest and curves! That means a new blazer and shirts, poor bank account. Anyone need Party Bags?
Seriously though DM, don't blink or prep will be over and done with. Your munchkin will be in the sixth form before you know it!

Frog in the Field said...

Dear DM,
so sorry, in the future, I will try not to drink while writing comments on your blog..please excuse the spillieng!

dulwichmum said...

Darling Frog in the Field,

I think you are making me broody! I just love chubby cheeks!


mutterings and meanderings said...

Granzilla sounds like my kind of woman. I do love someone who can do a good withering look, or as I call 'em, a Paddington Bear hard stare ...

Pig in the Kitchen said...

ahhh, your boy is starting school! Don't let a rabbit near his blazer, I once watched with interest as my rabbit ( a violent beast that eventually made rabbit pie)chewed and chewed through my blazer. Unfortunately - and perhaps I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer - I was wearing the blazer, and once the rabbit had eaten through the blazer, he carried on and bit me. Doh!

Drunk Mummy said...

When I took one of my boys to buy his school uniform, he put the whole lot on, looked in the mirror and said 'Mummy, I look like a film star.'
Not sure what film he had in mind - 'Wall Street' perhaps or 'Goodbye Mr Chips'?

lady macleod said...

You reign! My hero, you are so the Queen of self indulgence and carry pomposity to new heights. Well done! and I can see little Max learning the lesson well. As for Gramzilla, can I book her for the Paris sales?

dulwichmum said...

Dear M&M,

You know I think that the Paddington bear stare sounds rather like a smoulder - I shall try it soon!

Lovely sweet Pig in the Kitchen,

All ladies of breeding should avoid having any association with the rabbit!

Darling Drunk Mummy,

My baby looks like a little 'frayed' orphan, very 'now', terribly 'Dulwich' - but then he is Dulwichson! (Ha, ha, ha).

Oh Lady MacLeod,

I really am quite the minx! Isn't it quite refreshing to meet someone as deeply superficial as I am?

DJ Kirkby said...

Luckily we are mere commoners and therefore number 3 son's school uniform cost so little that we could afford it without resorting to increasing the national debit.

The Good Woman said...

Delegate, delegate , delegate I say! And it sounds like Granzilla was the perfect woman for the job.

Omega Mum said...

Do be careful about getting broody, DM. Remember what you said? And if it's quads you'll be outside the school gates begging for cast offs - forget the second hand uniform sale. I am anxious whenever you make comments like this. What with your glamourous life as top-selling author, you certainly don't want to be juggling book signings with morning sickness. Though did you see that Margaret Atwood has launched a long-distance signing system so she can personalise your book from thousands of miles away.

dulwichmum said...

Darling DJ Kirkby,

Isn't it a disgrace that our munchkins should be expected to wear such expensive kit? How are we supposed to afford our Eve Lom cleanser and La Perla underwear?

Dear Good Woman,

Granzilla really is a gift horse!

Lovely Omega Mum,

You know me so well, I really am feeling dreadfully broody, and I simply not bear to carry another child - I am not as young as Ana anymore. Mmm, I may have a plan! Thank you dear heart!

Heidi said...

Dear DM, if you are feeling broody, just think about the stretch marks and the ugly maternity clothes. Enough to put anyone off.
I wanted to email you but can't find your address, can you ping me an e-mail when you have a chance

Biffo said...

Nice to have met you last night, Dulwich Mum. Thanks for coming to my thingy.

Apologies if I seemed a bit distracted - I was aware that I was sweating like a pig in a burning bank, and genuinely concerned that I was going to start dripping on the books.

Good luck with the thing-you-asked-me-about.


dulwichmum said...

Dear Heidi my lovely,

I sent you my email again, and now the suspense is killing me!


Dear Biffo,

I so enjoyed your thingy! I think you are a star. Thanks for the encouragement. I shall let you know how I get on with the new "thing"...


Motheratlarge said...

Granzilla's elbows could come in handy at the next NCT Nearly New Sale round our way. Mothers have nearly come to blows over the chance of a cut-price wooden playpen or develo-play center.