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Saturday, 30 June 2007

Therapy

One day I shall be exposed no doubt with my little Smythson notebook, summarising the entertaining situations I observe on the number 3 bus. I do it all for you...

A young girl with great yellow hair extensions and an enormous Primark shopping bag was occupying the row in front of me when I sat down on the upper deck yesterday morning. After a couple of stops Lauren expressed surprised delight on being joined by a girl with a short trendy bob and the two exchanged enthusiastic kisses and hugs.

I will simply tell you the gist of the conversation as I have translated it, I could not begin to attempt to transcribe the exact words of their conversation - how would one even begin to spell the greeting "Watcha"?

Eventually, salutations complete the girls settled down into a conversation;

"And what are you doing for the summer holidays?" asked Courtney. "I am hoping to get work experience, I want to be a beauty therapist!" screeched Lauren.

"Wicked," said Courtney (she actually did say this, and I could understand it and spell it too!).

"I haven't decided what to specialise in yet," said Lauren, "but I could do nails, aromatherapy, thalassotherapy, physiotherapy, waxing, psychotherapy or reiki healing."

"Wow," replied Courtney.

"Physiotherapy is very competitive now, because everyone knows that footballers wives make a packet, and even David Beckham has a physio, they only let the prettiest girls on that course, I will have to pay serious attention to my diet," asserted Lauren.

"Really? Wow" said Courtney.

"Yes," said Lauren, "so I will be learning silk wraps and gels from this September - just to get me started."

"You have it all planned out then," lamented Courtney, "I hadn't given my career much thought"...

21 comments:

IngeniousRose.wordpress.com said...

They do seem to have their therapies confused, amongst other things. I do hope they don't wrap themselves in seaweed and waddle down to the Institute of Psychiatry. They may never return! On the other hand....

DJ Kirkby said...

Lol! I think I have overheard them at our local bus stop! I tried to make a note of where the work experience would take place so I could avoid entering the premises.

The Good Woman said...

I was told by a woman on the bus yesterday (yes, she spoke to me - scary but true) that she was 'currently unemployed' but that her 'field is retail'. So basically someone on the dol who used to work in a shop.

From now on I take the train. Less pretentious.

dulwichmum said...

Dear Ingenious Rose,

And my sister regularly tells me off for not having laser depiliation at the hands of these "clinicians"!

Lovely DJ Kirkby,

I will post the name of the business on the blog if I find out, will you do the same for me?

Perfect Good Woman,

I think I am just beginning to realise that it is not only me who is pretentious! Everyone is at it, even the fifteen year old Bratz doll look a likes!

I Beatrice said...

Who ever said it was a bad thing to have high aspirations? Those girls will go far!

I once heard two elderly women on a bus, one of whom was lamenting the fact that she hadn't been able to get a new cooker for her new house.

"But it's all right because we've got the bidet" she then explained.

I heard this, I truly did! Unfortunately I wasn't able to hear the friend's reply. So I never did discover what kind of a bidet that woman thought she'd got!

dulwichmum said...

Dear I Beatrice,

These are the exact conversations my mother has with me. I find it quite easy to follow her logic, which genuinely causes distress to my husband...

antarctichousehusband said...

The psychotherapy bit worried me - either this was a mistake, or there's suddenly going to be an awful lot of immaculately groomed care in the community types.

Frog in the Field said...

Bidets and cookers? My God you certainly wouldn't want to be invited for dinner!

mutterings and meanderings said...

You know, I didn't think they still said wicked... I can remember using that circa 1989...

dulwichmum said...

Darling Antarctichousehusband,

Apparently 'psychotherapy' is now available at NVQ level 1! Well according to this girl it is... You really are terribly witty!

Oh dear Frog in the Field,

You are so very right.

Lovely M&M,

I can't keep up with the young people, they used some fashionable expression but I am so terribly old hat with my translation. I haven't been a young person since around 1989!

Omega Mum said...

If you could transcribe 'thalassotherapy' you're even greater than I thought you were. How are your sensitive ovaries this week?

Motheratlarge said...

The world of the blogosphere would probably be as alient to them, as their therapies are to us. My 14-month-old daughter does 'silk scarves' some days at nurseries, according to her daily report card. I have no idea what it involves. Perhaps training for a future career in beauty therapy.

dulwichmum said...

Dear Omega Mum,

I in mood swing hell - a prisoner to my hormones! Thank you for remembering lovely friend.

Lovely Motheratlarge,

I so hope they are not teaching your perfect child to do the dance of the seven vales. As professions go, table dancing is not for everyone.

DM

debio said...

Lord above - this is just the excuse I need never to indulge in beauty treatments again. Although I suppose overheard conversations between two butchers might put me off meat; or two doctors would certainly put me off medical treatment. Maybe the butchers and the doctors would be interchangeable though?

rilly super said...

whether that young lady qualifies in all of her intended fields or only one, dulwichmum, she will only need to get my husband as a client to be set up for life, sigh

Stay at home dad said...

Perfectly observed, DM. I would probably express surprised delight on being joined by a girl with a short trendy bob too.

I dread to think what she was doing with her microwave I Beatrice!

Marianne said...

The really fascinating issue here is what you were doing on a bus DM? What happened to the helicopter?

@themill said...

Wonderful. You couldn't make it up. Sounds like a sketch from Little Britain

Elsie Button said...

ha ha, i'm sure i used to sound like that when i was younger. no just joking. although i do shop at primark... does that make me a pikey?

DM - you are so funny - i showed my really really funny and posh friend your blog and she was in hysterics.

dulwichmum said...

Oh Debio darling,

Doctors are so much closer to butchers than you could ever imagine! I should know... Buy yourself some "Venus devine" blades and give up on waxing, the whole of Dulwich is starting to look like some crazed group of clones anyway - lets leave those needles alone!

Super Rilly!!!

Thank god you are back, I am so ver relieved. Your husband will have to climb over mine I am afraid...

Darling Stay at home dad,

I have a good mind to have my hair bobbed just to see if I get a reaction - no doubt my darling husband would not even look up from his paper...

Lovely Marianne,

The number 3 bus and I have a long relationship - it takes me to work each morning.

Perfect @themill,

As I was listening and taking notes I was thinking the exact same thing - Little Britain or Catherine Tate - welcome to South East London!

Sweet Elsie,

You should tell your friend to start a blog! This life I live is complete madness. She would make me feel more sane.

Natural Blonde said...

The No 3 bus is my absolute favourite bus stop. I only use it in the winter now when I am 'between clients' but I used to ride back home on it every night when I first moved to London back in 1995.

Sittig on the top is great and then you can nose through all the windows of the houses on Croxted Road - especially nice at Christmas time when they all have Christmas Tress in the window!