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Friday, 22 June 2007


The annual nursery school sports day is just the most stressful day! They insist on holding the event on the final Saturday of Royal Ascot each year. The lovely teachers surely must be aware of how many parents are completely torn regarding the clashing dates on their social calenders!

They clearly have no appreciation of the value of a week's corporate entertainment with hotels, transport and a private box at The Royal Enclosure. James and I really should make every effort to hold court, otherwise it simply is just not good manners. This year, as all of his guests are being accommodated in a Chelsea hotel with a helipad, the entire party has travelled each day to the course by helicopter. I haven't gone to Ascot all week and as my wardrobe is positively brimming with new race wear perhaps I should show my face? I haven't been in a helicopter in front of all of the other school mums before...

Last year James completed his egg and spoon race in his morning suit, his vintage silk top hat in the waiting car. How very embarrassing. I was grateful that the mothers race took place twenty minutes earlier and I found the time to slip home and quickly change prior to shooting back to collect him. The car took an age to reach the course so we missed lunch and that was such a shame. I looked fabulous in the sports day photos though, with full make-up and my hair in a super "up do".

I really loved the new boxes at Ascot. The sweet little individual kitchens and super kind staff. I must admit I got a little tiddly - well it was hard to assess how much I was drinking as the attentive staff kept my Champagne glass so well topped up.

In my opinion the rejuvenated Ascot is no more glamorous than Stanstead Airport - all sheet glass, pillars and escalators, but the boxes are simply luxurious and this is one race meeting where I have no intention of ever leaving ours to view the horses or track. The heels of my super silver Jimmy Choo's were tarnished by the grass a couple of years ago - never again. I shall be content watching the races on the flat screen TV or from the balcony of the box, smiling smugly as I view the far away peasants in the Silver Ring. Sadly we no longer have to worry about being run over by random Royal golf buggies as they career about the enclosure and paddock!

Last year, one of our party Niall O'Farrell entered his beautiful horse called Arturius in a race. The darling horse virtually walked his race, and James was livid as he lost a substantial sum. My husband said the animal would have been more appropriately named "Arthritis" - and even sweet Niall laughed. It is not that James was particularly witty, I actually thought it was an incredibly hurtful thing to say. It is just that James is so very powerful indeed, no-one would ever dare to challenge him or disagree - in the past... I actually find that terribly attractive.

We shall be collected by helicopter this afternoon straight after the the mothers race! I know, I can't quite believe it myself. Not from the grounds of the nursery - no that would be far too naff and ostentatious and how would we change our clothes? The helicopter will be landing in the grounds of The Local Comprehensive School you pay for - and only for minutes, but all of the children will want to come and see. Max is so very excited, he is sure to invite all of his friends!

The best thing about this post today is that it is completely true! I feel terribly privileged.


DJ Kirkby said...

I am absolutely in awe, get back here and write more!

MJ said...

"Not from the grounds of the nursery - no that would be far too naff and ostentatious"

How dare they embarrass you like this....i say petition. Of course you could use this moment to look even more ridiculously fabulous than usual. Perhaps make another mummy, whom you know sees you as a rival red in the face. :)

" is just that James is so very powerful indeed, no-one would ever dare to challenge him or disagree - in the past... I actually find that terribly attractive."

I know exactly what you mean, as a high school student i reveled in knowing that my father was the wealthiest dad of all my peer's parental units.

I loved the look on their faces when i turned up to school with the newest Louis, Chanel, Prada, far before it was scheduled for release, even though they would be receiving it early as well, just not "as" early.

Everyone got picked up in Lincolns, so i purposefully made sure i that i was picked up in one of daddy's vintage Rolls Royce. My father's haughtiness(though i love him dearly, and wouldn't change him for the world)had began to affect my own personality.

I loved it so much at first, but now i realize, though i had my "actual friends", how disliked i really must have been in HS.

AntiScam said...


You really are too glamorous.

Omega Mum said...

Fab. And with guarantee of truth as well. Hope you have/had a terrific time......

antarctichousehusband said...

Let us know whether you won the mothers' race - somehow, though, I suspect that the risk of perspiration may have encouraged you to throw it.

Trixie said...


I simply must apologise for not meeting you in your box as arranged. I know you think I was too tired to attend but you could not be farther from the truth.

I have discovered this simply divine site to meet men who wish to spend their excess money and ardour on women who know how to appreciate the finer things in life. One such man like the sound of my stays and sexy shoes and positively chased me along Kensington High Street. A lady can only hold out for so long - its not manners to tease for too long!! I agreed to meet him at the races and he would recgnise me from the lack of hat, the devilsih slit in the skirt. I would recognise him from the carnation in his lapel and a copy of the Times under his arm...

I must admit I was quite overcome by the idea of being wooed so I stoked myself with some tattinger and waited. And waited. Then I walked around until I spotted him...I instinctively knew it was him. I could only see his back but his presence had me swooning. He was holding court like someone at speaker's corner - people were in awe, waiting to get closer and even offering him money. Gosh! A man who could charm money from people - a veritable svengali. Perhaps he was a cult leader in the making and I could be his number 1 wife....

He turned to me and smiled. I should have realised I was in trouble when I saw the tin of carnation and a copy of the TV Times under his arm, but then the smile revealed a gold tooth with a princess cut diamond embedded in it. At that moment, I could not care that he was Derek of Derek Winterburn's betting service....I wanted him!!

Needless to say he would not give it up without a fight, but then I wasnt captain of the school lacrosse team for nothing! After I got the diamond, we dressed and he asked for a return match. How could I refuse? Next time I will insist on a room at the Dorchester - a bit more roomy than the back seat of a Audi A6


debio said...

Well ,what can I say, dulwich mum? apart from the fact that I'm glad I'm not the pilot - done the heli-lanes over London a couple of times and it's absolutely nerve-wracking as air traffic control are absolute tyrants and take no prisoners (quite rightly). Enjoy - hope you fly above the Thames - an unforgettable experience. I wish I was with you.....

FreeSpirit said...

Dulwich Mum! I say, how incredibly classy. I am far too envious to comment further but wait with much excitement, and a little anticipation, to hear your Ascot antics!


dulwichmum said...

Dear DJ Kirkby,

I shall tell you all when the room stops moving!

Oh lovely MJ,

I suppose them must hate me. I hate me! I really was "rediculously fabulous" yesterday afterall.

Darling Antiscam,

I think I have worked out who you are. Is that why you have not commented of late? I have missed you so. Thank you for the compliment.

Sweet Omega Mum,

But you know I always tell the truth on every post, but yesterday really was super. The best day ever.

Super Antarctichousehusband,

I actually won the mothers race! I never even thought of the perspiration. If only you had pointed that out earlier, I would never have entered.

Amazing Trixie!

You really are outrageous!

Perfect Debio,

We flew over the Thames and over Windsor, and actually over lots of places I did not recognise. It was amazing, quite scarey at times. Just the most perfect experience. It was ever so quick! How very brave and clever you are.

Welcome lovely Freespirit,

I shall be right back and tell you all.

Stay at home dad said...

I thought it was all true?

And it's getting like the Rocky Horror Show round here....!

lady macleod said...

It is a boon to me how you continue to embrace and elevate the lifestyle of Jimmy Choo (I'm a Bally and Manolo girl myself) and airborne transport. You simply must come down for the big event coming up in a couple of months. One of the "lesser royals" is to marry. There will be much airborne transport and the shoes will be to die for - just your cup of tea! I'm sure Dulwich can spare your own social self for a week eh? think silk, siver, satin, swords, bulging bank accounts..