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Tuesday, 13 March 2007

Full time mother

Jamima - my super hi-powered 'career mum' chum telephoned me earlier today, to inform me that she has decided to put her career on hold. She intends to buy herself a Cath Kidston apron, a set of Nigella cook books and a dog. I am delighted for her.

Jamima returned to full-time work when little George was six weeks old, and as she and her husband Giles have decided not to have any more children, Jamima wants to spend some ‘special time’ with her baby before he grows up and flies the nest forever. George is currently in nursery school full time, and will be off to a local highly rated pre-prep in September.

'Now is the right time, as I will be able to catch my breath each day while George is otherwise occupied. During school holidays he will go to full-time daily camp.... clearly,' said Jamima.

'I just long to do the whole full-time mothering thing, but not if the boy is at home full-time you understand - that is just too much like hard work', she explained.

Jamima wishes to be able to devote herself to George and his imminent arduous homework and after school social life and hobbies. Sadly however, following years of trauma struggling to find a good nanny, the current fabulous wonder nanny, Sally could be issued with her P45.

Sally is a perfect carer for any little boy. She climbs trees, builds and paints tree houses and playframes, assembles and jumps on trampolines, bakes, dresses like a chap and has a huge black mole on her nose. She ‘lives in’ and eats like a bird (thus adding nothing to the monthly Ocado shopping bill) and has the figure of a pre-pubescent boy.

Jamima is therefore calm and assured that even when she is away on a conference for a week in Toronto, it is only George who gets good night kisses from Sally. Actually, if Sally made sexual advances on any man – chances are the gendarmes would be summoned!

Sally telephoned the agency that had originally provided Wonder Sally, to discuss the delightful nanny's future employment prospects and they remembered her immediately. Jamima was assured that Sally would not be unemployed and would be ‘snapped up’ imminently by another Dulwichmum!

Jamima has therefore decided to keep Sally for at least a further six months - just to see how she gets on at home. Giles travels with work a great deal, and since Jamima has read Raising Boys and realised that boys require a certain amount of rough play, perhaps the nanny should stay at least until George can start a 'contact sport' like rugby.

'Full time mothering will be such hard work', said Jamima, 'I am under no illusions. Do you have any idea where I could get myself a good dog walker?'

Somehow I don't anticipate that Jamima will suffer from wash day hands, do you?


AntiScam said...

A full-time Dulwichmum? Scarey!

Scruffy Mummy said...

So she's going to be a full time slacker than? Lucky cow. I want to win the lottery and hire a cool androyonous nanny too!!

dulwichmum said...

Moi aussi! It is not fair!